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The truth I'll never tell


#1

I was on here a few days ago. And I just can’t deal with everything that is happening. I don’t feel like me. I want to just explode. I also feel like exploding. More I feel like I am totally drained mentally. Plus with everything going on in my family I just don’t know why. I feel like I have everyone emotional pillar of strength. It is so exhausting and making feel burnt out. I just want to cry and scream even more now than I did before. I feel like things keep getting worse but I can’t tell anyone because I feel like no one will understand especially my best friend. I mean my uncle is probably going to die tonight. I feel like I can’t tell her it. And it makes me feel so alone . I am always there for her but I feel like she will make offensive comments at me like she did last time.
I kinda just want to let it all out but something in me is like you can’t know. And It doesn’t feel like me at all.


#2

It can feel so treacherous to feel trapped :\ to feel like there’s something inside of you that HAS to get it, but there’s no safe place to get it out. I think you’re starting to feel that at some point, the pressure keeping it in is worse than the potential pain of getting it out…eventually it’ll have to come out, and you’ll be better for it no matter what happens…hoping with you, though, that they react well whenever it does!


#3

There are plenty of times I’ve felt like this. There are people in my life I can’t trust and I worry they’ll just say the wrong things because they’re either ignorant or they think they’re right. It makes me just zip my lip. It use to make me not only hurt inside but full of anxiety and bitterness. The loneliness in all of this would tear me up like I swallowed broken glass.
It would be virtually unbearable when life decided to hand me lemons. I would get so desperate & ran around until I felt like if I fell asleep atm I’d die for lack of energy.
The only thing I can recommend is to not let it bother you anymore. Don’t let it make you feel powerless. Just because you feel powerless does not mean you are powerless.
I know not very helpful. That is all that I can recommend atp (at this point).