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The truth

The truth is that there are some people for whom things never get better because they are not meant to. When life is shit there’s no point in being alive. Sometimes you have to wake up and realize that reality is not a fairy tale and that when it is over then it is useless to try… unless you are dumb shit like me.

I am sorry for everything. Of course I don’t want anyone to reply. I just wanted to speak some truth before I leave. I don’t expect anyone to read anyway and I apologize to anyone who has. I am sorry if I am being a disturbance by writing this but I am not too worried about that since at worst I will be forgotten in a few days.

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Hey friend,

I don’t expect anyone to read anyway and I apologize to anyone who has.

I read your message, and I don’t feel sorry at all for that. I hear that you don’t want anyone to reply though. It sounds that there’s a lot on your plate right now.

I remember what you shared on another post and I get that it’s hard to reach out yet to also allow yourself to receive the encouragement that people would be willing to share with you. It’s uncomfortable to do that. Especially if we’re not used to it or if we’re convinced that we’re not worth anything or anyone. But it’s positive to be here. It means something. And it’s a good thing to share about what’s in your mind if you feel the need to. Nothing wrong with it. No judgment to have. :heart:

The truth is that there are some people for whom things never get better because they are not meant to.

I’d like to ask: what makes you think that some people are not meant to get better? And if I may say: what makes you think that you are not meant to get better?

I am sorry if I am being a disturbance by writing this but I am not too worried about that since at worst I will be forgotten in a few days.

You’re not a disturbance. And this is your post, your message. If you want to engage in a discussion, it’s absolutely okay. If you’re not ready for that, it’s okay too. But some fundamental truths remain: 1/This community is here and will still be here; 2/ You are seen, you are existing and your presence is valued; 3/ We care about you. Those are fact that are not going to change. Even if your mind tries to convince you that you’re insignificant and not worth the time of anyone.

In any case, I hope you will stay safe and take care of yourself, sincerely.

:heart:

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It is ok to have a bad day and vent. I think we all have those. if you feel a need to get out all the poisons of your life do so. You can have problems, you can have issues with things and you definitely can choose how you want to cope with things. You do not have to follow anyones advice if it is not right for you. It is ok to choose how you want to do things. It is ok to ask for help too if you need it. I hope you can overcome the challenges you are facing and get through this. Best of blessings and I hope you can find the answers you are looking for too.

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Hey @smellytastycheese - just noticed that you deleted your messages. I’m sorry for that. I want to send love your way and remind you that it’s absolutely okay to share your thoughts. No one is here to judge. But there’s no pressure in what I’m saying either. Just know this place is safe, always.

I hope you take care of yourself - as you can - even if some days it literally means only pushing through. :heart:

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Its okay u are no stupid and you definitly deserve to be here everyone makes mistakes wheather they mean to or not. We all care about you here and were here to help you if you don’t wanna open up i understand but i do want to hear your thoughts no matter the topic you are strong and valued and we still want you here. i care about you

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@smellytastycheese

I understand the temptation of hiding yourself and to stop opening up. I really do. I can still think about something I shared years ago and still feel bad about it or regret it. It’s absolutely okay to struggle with this. It takes practice to be out of your comfort zone. And you don’t have to share if you don’t want to. Just know that we are here, willing to listen and support you, always. And it’s okay to share about what’s going on. There’s nothing wrong with it. :heart:

And actually, I think you just did it. Maybe you’re used to tell yourself that you’re stupid or that you waste other’s time, so you don’t see those thoughts as being intimate. But sharing this kind of thing is not easy at all.

I can assure you that you are not stupid, you are not wasting anyone’s time, you are not an annoyance and certainly not “fun to watch”. I understand that you’re struggling. And when we’re divided between our negative thoughts and asking for help, it’s not easy to do it willingly. Though being here says something. It shows that you know you belong, deep inside. Even if sometimes it hurts to admit it. We care about you here, genuinely. Not just as a way to be kind or polite. I know we discussed a little already. And I remember the things you shared before. So, no pressure at all, no obligation at all, just know that there are people here who are willing to listen and support you as much as possible. I really echo @Sandia’s words here. :heart:

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Well friend, for what it’s worth coming from me, I’m glad you are born and I’m glad you are here. Because it allows me to know you a little more, even though I’d prefer for you to be in better circumstances. I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. But I get that trusting others with ourselves is really hard. :heart:

I’m fed up all those people who would tell me that I am the problem were right everything is my fault

because messing up is all I’m good at

May I ask what this is about precisely - what did you mess up? Or what is it about that people think you’re at fault?

And in case you may think of it: you’re not annoying by responding, never. Just a friendly reminder. :heart:

Don’t say that there are people reading your story I Am and I wish you the best

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@smellytastycheese Really, thank you for responding. It means a lot to me. Sincerely.

The list could go on and on.

I have no doubt that the list could be endless. It’s based on how you feel, and I can surely see all the doubts, fears, guilt and shame that are crippling you. I guess, when we’re hurting or just lost, it’s really tempting to validate how we feel about ourselves by seeking “real” reasons. And we can surely paint everything in black when we feel like our entire life, ourselves, are all about pain and negativity.

The list you just shared is really heavy. It is, indeed, a huge burden for only one person to carry on their shoulders. I can’t say that I am in your shoes right now, and our stories are, of course, not the same. But I surely felt how you feel. It was just for different reasons. This explosion of self-bashing and guilt because I’d be hurting… that’s very relatable to me. Not mentioning the uncertainty around the idea of reaching out because it’s freaking scary to do it, it’s scary to be vulnerable and share our thoughts. That’s also why I’m very grateful to you to keep going through this thoughts, somehow, at least by sharing them. It may not feel like it makes a big difference right now, but I can assure you that it’s really important.

So, I don’t want to enter in any kind of “contradiction mode” because I really don’t want you to think that I’d be ignoring what you say or using a huge sign saying “you’re wrong” - that’s really not my intention. But I’d like to respond to each of the things you said, just because it’s important to have different perspectives regarding how you see yourself. And that’s actually why this community exists. To share different perspectives and experiences. :heart:

How you feel is valid. Absolutely, entirely valid. It has reasons to be. But it doesn’t mean that how you feel would reveal some truths about yourself. I’m aware that we don’t know each other, but I truly think that you are a lot more that what you may think about yourself right now. And when I say “a lot more”, I mean aspects of you that are really different and more positive. But you may be surrounded by circumstances and/or people that doesn’t allow you to see it. Which is I guess, something that we all face from time to time.

It’s my fault if I’ve been feeling how I’ve been feeling. I’m just not doing what I’m supposed to do.

First of all, there is no fault or guilt in feeling, friend. It’s part of what makes you human and unique. Whether those feelings are “good” or “bad” to you, they are, before anything, only feelings. Maybe it’s not how you’d like to feel, maybe how you feel is absolutely rejected and ignored by the people around you. But it doesn’t mean you are wrong. No matter how you feel, there’s no judgment to have. It just reveals how you are right here and right now, in the present moment, and that’s absolutely okay.

If in your surroundings people are not accepting how you feel, then they’re wrong. If they are pushing you to feel differently because it doesn’t fit to their standards or expectations, then they’re wrong. And what is sure is: you are not wrong. I have no doubt that if you could chose between feeling okay or not, you’d pick the first option.

Now, when you say “I’m just not doing what I’m supposed to do”, I personally hear that you’re not where you want to be in your life. And as frustrating as this feeling can be, this can also be turned into something positive and healthy for yourself. A first awareness to take some practical steps towards the life you want to build for yourself. If doing what you’re supposed to do is about what you’re expecting of yourself, then may I ask what you’re supposed to do right now? What’s not satisfying/what’s frustrating/holding you back in your life?

It’s my fault if I’m treated like a shit. Other people could never do anything wrong. I’m a shit so that’s why people are allowed to treat me badly.

I want to really push this thought back. I get why you’re tempted to blame yourself for others behavior. It gives you a reason for why people are just mean and stupid sometimes. But: no. It’s not your fault. How people treat you reveals their character, not yours. If you were treated badly, it’s others fault and responsability. Because everytime they interact with you, they have two choices: being respectful or not. Ultimately, it’s their decision, whether it’s conscious or not. And their attitude doesn’t say anything about you.

I’ve been treated very poorly by people in my life. I’ve been used, emotionally and physically. And I felt for a long time that I deserved all of it, that I deserve to be used by others. But that’s not true. No one deserves to be treated badly. Absolutely no one. Other people can be wrong because they’re just humans like you and me. They have flaws, imperfections, they have doubts, fears, insecurities that can be reflected on their actions. No one is perfect. But when you’re treated badly, the person who’s wrong is not you. It’s the one who’s hurting you.

It’s my fault if I write things that don’t mean anything and end up bothering other people because they must not know what to tell me.

Well I’m sorry in that case I’m certainly a little talkative! (Sorry if this response is long by the way!)
I think what you mean makes sense, and even if it doesn’t, there’s always a possibility to discuss and create some mutual understanding. You don’t have to know all the answers before you express yourself. You have the right to let your feelings out just how it is, without any expectations or structure. I can assure you that no one judges you here in this forum. You are always allowed to let your thoughts out just how it is. I know I mentioned the forum guidelines the last time we discussed - and again it’s okay/I hope you don’t feel guilty for that. And it’s totally okay if you need to take your time to get used to this possibility.

It’s my fault if I waste their time. Nothing I say makes sense.

Again, I’m aware that we don’t really know each other, but I hope you’ll give me the benefit of the doubt here. Even just 0,1% of your trust is something. A gift that I’d never take for granted. So I hope you’ll trust me when I say that you absolutely don’t waste my time - or anyone’s time here. Even if you feel differently, it’s okay. Even if it’s hard to believe me, it’s okay too. I understand that it takes time to trust others. Really. I’m quite an expert in deleting the things I’d do or say when I reach out or share something personal. It’s uncomfortable to do that. But this place is safe, and everytime you fight against those lies that are holding you back, then it’s a success, friend.

It’s my fault if I’m staying here when I don’t even know how I feel about writing posts here anymore.

I’m personally glad you are here. Even if you don’t know how you feel about it, somehow it’s certainly better than isolating yourself and letting yourself drowned by all of these overwhelming thoughts. You’re not alone. I hope you know that.

:heart:

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I read it. I hope things do get better, even if for a moment. Those little moments are what give me hope. You are not alone.

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I read it too, you are not alone! I also have suicidal thoughts.

We all care about you here and we alll want nothing but the best from you. I read the whole thing and im definitely sure alot of others did too. Try to hang in their life is not something worth throwing away and you will learn that I promise. Things will definitely get better sometimes it just takes time or one person to change that

But their are people like all of us here who actually do care and want to see you happy and you deserve it

Dude please listen to all of us dont do anything to yourself none of us want to see that happen and im sure you dont too. I get it life is really tough but killing yourself is never the answer its better to just bet on yourself and try to turn things around

If you want to talk privately you can message me on here but please don’t do anything i wanna help you

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Same with me my dms are always open

I’m tired of people telling me that I’m not dumb and all that when they don’t even know why I say that.

Well, I’m genuinely sorry if my response caused any frustration to you. Knowing why you think you are dumb/stupid is the purpose of the first question I asked, which I can reiterate:

May I ask what this is about precisely - what did you mess up? Or what is it about that people think you’re at fault?

We’re here to listen. There’s absolutely no judgment in any of the responses you received here. You’re in a safe place.

Even though I don’t know if there are other people who are as worthless as me. As I’ve been told by “”""“friends”"""", I’m one of a kind lol. Of course they didn’t mean it in a good way. No one means anything in a good way when it comes to me.

I had my so called friends and boyfriend to do that already. But I guess hurting me is not an issue because it’s only me. I am nothing so it’s ok to treat me like this.

What’s your story, @smellytastycheese? What happened with them?

No pressure to respond. Know that I read everything. I’m not the only one here. And we’d like to understand where all of this hatred that you have for yourself comes from.

We care about you. I care about you. And it’s me to decide this, not you. But I understand that it’s hard to believe or accept, especially if you’ve been disappointed by others before. I’ve been there. I still am. I’ve been used by others in some very digusting manners. It’s been hard to trust anyone now. Hard to know if someone’s honest or not. But I can only tell you that I am honest with you. Especially because I know how important it is to be honest in any relationship. But it’s up to you to trust me.

In any case, please stay safe. No one want you to hurt or be in pain. We want to understand what’s going on. And we want to support you, not hurting you. So we’re here. And we’ll keep being here whenever you are ready to discuss.

:heart:

Hey as someone who came to this site because someone told me from another place that it would help me i can 100% tell you that everyone here does truly care about you no one is annoyed to read your story or making fun of you this site was made to help people. If your freinds are treating you like crap than just get rid of them and find ones that actually care about you. Ik it sometimes feels like everyone can be a bad person but the good people are definitely out their.

Hey @smellytastycheese I just want to point out all the love and kindness @Micro and others have shown you here. “No one’s ‘here to listen’” and that no one cares are lies your brain is telling you to justify the way you feel. It is okay to feel tired and fed up, but a lot of people here care about you even if that is hard to believe. You are loved, we want you to be healthy.

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You don’t have to be grateful, we aren’t asking for ANYTHING in return @smellytastycheese - you don’t even have to believe us. However, if you have room in your heart right now to feel loved and supported, we want you to know that we are here when you are ready. We don’t need to understand you completely, or receive anything in return, to know you are loved and worthy of our time.