I wish I could turn back the clock.
I know 24 isn’t that old but I feel it today. In the past year I grew up a lot . On one hand, I like myself more, feel stronger and have a higher tolerance for people. On the other, the world just feels colder.
This past year brought an abusive relationship, a father who told me he thinks I’m trash or that will never make it , and working as a stripper (my family does not know about this). I’m still in a lot of grief but I’m getting on a better path…but I also wish I could go back in time to when I was a naive girl with a bright shining light…a light that feels a bit dimmed from everything I’ve been learning.
The man I was with was 12 years older…my first love. A man who went through a lot of pain and took that anger out on me. I still love him. I wonder now if older men seek our younger women when they have that bright, undamaged light…where they haven’t seen too much in life…to feel that warm spirit of youth again. Maybe I ll never know.
I’m tempted to call him. He is my drug. It’s hard to move on. I wish I could go back to who I was before. That naive girl