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The worst weekend of my recovery


#1

My mom had 2 relapses this weekend that sent her to the hospital. She has been an alcoholic for years but would relapse every few months and threaten to kill herself. She was discharged from the first hospital visit on Saturday, then had to go back to the hospital on Sunday. My eldest sister has been there to help me and she provided a roof over my head for Saturday night. I’m sick of my mom doing this. She’s highly manipulative and she said horrible things to me that no mother should say to their child. Such as “never get married” or “your next relationship will be an abusive one and I will help you out of it”. She throws tantrums when she’s drunk and she’ll rant about her assault and rapes from her ex fiancee. This put me in so much distress I just shut down. My mom has been like this for years ever since I was 5 years old and has continuously put this responsibility on me to take care of her. My siblings have had enough of it and so have I. I love my mom, but she has all the opportunities in the world to get better but instead she blames everyone and can’t move on. I tried explaining what happened on Saturday night to my boyfriend but that escalated because he pretended to listen to me and he was getting defensive that he couldn’t remember what I said and that caused us to break up again for the millionth time. I had to be put on a 4 hour long bus ride to get to my home from the city and it was already stressing me because I had not been on one like it before while worrying about my mother. My mom is now left at the hospital with no one and she blames me that I couldn’t take it anymore. That I wasn’t there to be traumatized yet again by her distress, screaming and traumatic stories. I feel alone right now. And I feel completely stressed again. Seeing this happen continuously, triggers my traumatic childhood of this same thing happening. My grandfather blames me for not looking after her and I’m in that state where I am blaming myself for everything. I want to go on, but I feel so emotionally drained and distraught by these events.


#2

Hey friend.

First of all I’m sorry you are going through this. I could never imagine going through what you are and that really sucks. Your mother should not be treating you like that and you being around her and her destructive behavior is not a safe place for you. I would try maybe seeking a safer place to stay for the time being until your mother can learn how to be a mother and get past her demons. As for your grandfather blaming you, its not your fault that she is the way she is and its not your responsibility to take care of your mother. Its your mothers responsibility to take care of you and if he truly feels that way then that is very selfish of him. The last thing Im going to touch on is your boyfriend situation. If you say this is the “millionth” time you guys have broken up, then I would say maybe he isnt the right person for you, especially at this point in your life. There are better people in the world who do care about you and some of them are here at Heart Support

We love you, Hold Fast


#3

Hello @Purplelilly, I’m sorry you have to go through this. You may feel terrible because everyone is blaming you, but you deserve to be free too. You don’t deserve to have a life burdened by everyone else blaming.
And about your boyfriend, breaking up so many times should prove that maybe you guys aren’t right for each other. He could be keeping you from moving on and finding someone better. He doesn’t sound like he appreciates you, and if he really cared, he would help you through this difficult time.
I agree with @JustinYummerz, it might be better to find a safer place to stay and take a break from everything for a little while.
Hold fast, and post here whenever you want to friend :slight_smile: