Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren

This is such a strange and powerful song for me. The first part feels almost like a dull anthem. Suicide being repeated over, making me feel his friends suicide was everywhere, and in everything. It seems almost numbing. Then we get to the end and see under those calm words to the actual pain inside. To me, that second part is some of the greatest words I have ever heard about loss. I cannot hear them without tears, even now.

16 years old & best friend asked if I wanted to go ride jet skis at the lake. We had a great day & he stayed & went home. He hung Himself from the back of the boat. All he had to do was stand up. That always messed with me. Going against that urge to stay alive… Had another that went into the Hospital bathroom to OD so someone would find him. He didn’t get the help he was begging for.

Check out Money Game, Pt. 3.

I lost my brother two years ago and asked myself so many times what I could have done to stop him.

I come back to this song frequently to remind myself the pain I’d cause if I left the people I love

I’m 58 years old. Everyone I loved or who loved me either passed away or moved during covid. I found out my sister and her family were horrible racists. That was my only sibling. My kids are struggling so hard monetarily and I don’t want to impose on them. I am being evicted from the mobile home I have owned for 24 years. I paid rent on time every single month. I was evicted because I could not perform the outside maintenance in the time allotted, during an illness and the rain. I’m sitting here, 1 week past the sheriff’s 5-day notice. At any moment, I will be locked out. All of the feral cats became my friends during covid, and I couldn’t adopt all of them out. Where will they go when I’m gone? In addition, the DMV has suspended my driver’s license due to a report that I had an illness that I do not have. I have a new nurse practitioner, although they have all my old records, who consistently refuses to sign the papers that will allow me to reinstate my license. I was not informed by my insurance that I needed to file a salvage report for my only vehicle because it was totaled by the insurance company,although it was just cosmetic damage there was no real mechanical damage whatsoever. So I can’t get my VIN number inspected because I legally have no license. I can’t move my things out of my home of 24 years because I can’t hire a truck to drive myself I had to pay three times as much for movers who did not respect the fragility of the items that I sell for a living, and put them into the storage I had rented in a completely haphazard way. I’ve had to suspend my work, which might cost me a lot. I can’t rent anywhere because I now have an eviction. My best friend 41 years, whom I met on the first day of first grade, went upstairs to go to sleep and never woke up 10 years ago. My last relationship was with a man who made me believe that everything I did was my fault, and my mother, who used to be so close to me, is either suffering from dementia or has developed some sort of germaphobic issue. She won’t leave her house she won’t talk to anyone but her husband, who Shields her and enables her. I feel completely alone, and I feel like all the way I blame myself, I am powerless against these weird situations that have put me in a desperate place. My only vehicle is a vespa. Where will I sleep when they lock me out? I can’t bear being in a shelter with other people. This is my home and now it isn’t. The little feral cats do not fear me, and each one of them cuddles with me and purrs and looks me in the eyes. I can’t take them with me. I feel right now as if everything I care about has been torn away, and I’m really not certain if I can bear it. When I was younger, I felt stronger animal resilience. I never dreamed that my family and my best friend would be gone one day. I have called the hospitals and voluntarily put myself on psychological holds. I came out worse than before. It was a nightmare being locked in with all of this poor suffering people. I drive my Vespa very very fast. I’m not sure if I’ll be here much longer. But when I listen to such a talented artist like Ren, at least I know that this man will probably save more lives than he will ever know, because he articulates his experience so beautifully and with such insight. Unfortunately, for me those small glimmers of hope are not enough to obliterate the smothering darkness. My mother would expect it of me if I exited. My kids have their own lives now I would hate to cause them pain, but I know they understand. I think about it every night. I feel that they’re just isn’t enough love in my life to want to go I know this guy will save some lives. That makes me happy😊

I have watched a lot of YouTube videos over the years and this is the only time I have ever left a comment… ever. And all I want to say is thanks :slight_smile: