REN is the first and only spirit animal in human form. He is all of our spirit animal! He is us, and we are him.
He is an incredible performer and entertainer, his music is a gift.
I knew he was one of the greatest artists of our time in the first minute of the first music video of his I watched.
My biggest problem about therapists and suicide is that when someone goes in and says they have been having the thought but not actually have the plan the therapist usually recommends going to a hospital. Sometimes the thoughts need to be talked about without the risk of being put away. But I get it. No therapist wants a suicide to be on their conscience or on their record. Sometimes the worry of being put in a hospital will keep a person from talking which makes life harder. Like my daughter.
I clicked on this, didn’t expect this song to break me like it did. On three separate occasions, I almost was the light that went out. I related to the ending so much, especially because I can see this from the other point of view. My brother, uncle, and mother left behind if I had committed on either of those three occasions. The one I haven’t yet forgotten about is the first one on July 4th, while fireworks were going off, I had taken a select few medicines to my bed to down and end it all. Everyone else in the house, was none the wiser to what I was doing either. They would have just found me that way. What is so special about that first one, personally, is that I researched the side effects of each medicine if used in lethal quantities. I selected only the ones that were opposites of each other, or sounded seriously harmful. For example, one would accelerate heart rate, the other would reduce it.
Used to be a time, I believed there was never a reason to commit suicide. I had a job, plans for college, and an entire future ahead of me. One night I wake up, and my skin is my personal prison and torture device, that belief disappeared rapidly. It’s debilitating, and I can’t find assistance, the SSA not only refuses to acknowledge the issue, but tells me I can work. Dermatology is going no where, and my mental health is taking a nose dive, like a 2,000lb bomb. Five years later, I find somewhat of a solution through gabapentin. The damage has been done though, I isolate in my room, I stay in the cold wherever possible. I see no future, I have no future, my plans for what I wanted to do seem like nothing more than pipe dreams now, I feel like an anchor on my family, like some kind of unforgivable burden. I burn fuel whenever I drive the car, I can’t replace it. I eat food whenever I’m hungry, I can’t replace it. Electricity, water, name it, and I feel terrible for not being able to contribute in some way. Forget about hygiene, what scarcity that had is now gone in every aspect. I’m frankly shocked my teeth are all 3-4mm in depth, 'cause it’s not like they get taken care of.
I didn’t think I’d ever write to @HeartSupport, let alone write an entire essay about a slice of what transpired. The previous truly is only a peek at the entire story, what’s worse is I can only tap into those thoughts after I’ve been ‘broken’ so to speak. When I return to whatever the hell the ‘status quo’ is for my mood, I cannot remember the important details, and discussing the emotions I’m dealing with is nigh impossible, as I cannot speak on any of them. I can’t recall most if any, all I’ve to offer are guesses of what might have transpired. I also believe I’m apathetic, but I’m not sure. Probably a sign, when the only things that evoke emotion strike a certain chord, and the ones that break me, are the home run of hitting that same, or even similar chord. Like the scene in Wolverine and Deadpool, where Deadpool realizes he matters to those he’s close to, that struck a chord and got two teardrops at the absolute best. This song on the other hand, the outro and explanations, had me a half inch from breaking down entirely by the end of it.
I entirely intended for that last paragraph to be the end of the essay, but I can’t seem to stop rambling. That’s another side effect of tapping into that specific chord so well, it’s like a flood gate opens, and even a crack is enough for thousands of gallons to pour out. Okay, I’m done now, have been for a while actually. I stopped having faith in medicine, and mental health “help.” It seemed like very avenue, despite the few I took, was just a dead end. I couldn’t seem to find help anywhere, and that too wore down on me on top of everything else. Good lord, I think I should just stop here. If you read this far, I appreciate your time in reading. If you’re looking to reach out or something, just know I already see myself as a lost cause. Someone told me yesterday that all people are beautiful in their own way, and I told her that I couldn’t be convinced of that. It’s not because others aren’t, it’s just because I look in a mirror and I see a lot of things…beautiful is a far cry from any of 'em. Again, appreciate you reading the whole thing…if you did. If not, I don’t blame you, I’ve typed up the great wall of china at this point and still haven’t managed to stop.
P.S. Really related to the darkness thing, staring down and seeing tranquility. I’ve said it, once, might as well say it again…this song just struck a certain chord a little too well.
@heartsupport few weeks ago my sister text me that my others sister ex husband killed himself. I ran through every emotion of what she can be feeling and how her boys will live knowing there real dad denied them and later in life took his own. I was or maybe still am angry. Angry that he got off the hook so easy. I’ve attempted so many times in my teens and the one actual time I got knocked out by a friend and woke up on the ground on his lap and sight of my 357 across the ground and looked like bullets got kicked around. Later in life lose one, then another, and then another. It was no longer an option. Now as a single dad with four kids raising alone I don’t know how to make it a option they make me to be a light I dont see me being. So the anger is maybe, because he did what I wanted to do for so long. I dont know.
Having lost friends to suicide, when I first watched this on release, it broke me. No song has ever done that so easily to be before. Ren knows how to hit you in the feels.
Ren is too good…
COLLEGE! I’ve been losing family since I was a child
Sorry Taylor, i was late watching this as i originally thought it was going to be a fake reaction. How wrong i was, I lost a close friend suddenly when i was 17 so I can understand a little. Thank you for your honest reaaction 
In my late teens and early twenties I dealt with a lot of depression and suicidal ideation. By age 21 in 2008 I was at my breaking point. Id had enough, and was driving out to a canyon to jump. A song on a new CD I bought came on and made me break down crying. I pulled over and started to rethink things. Just then my phone rang and it was a close friend of mine. As soon as he heard my voice he just said “Come pick me up, right now. I’m here.” That song and that friend saved my life that night. And I can never say thank you enough for either of them.
That song was “Swim” by Jack’s Mannequin.
Three months later I lost one of my closest friends to suicide. Living with knowing that he was feeling all those things that I had been feeling, but that I couldn’t see it, that I didnt know, is the hardest part. That I couldn’t save him the way that someone saved me. That if I had just called him, he could still be here. I think about that a lot. His birthday is coming up soon, and also the 16th anniversary of his death the month after, so he has been on my mind more often lately. It’s hard, so damn hard, but im handling it.
The last bit of “Suicide” by Ren hits me so hard because all those thoughts are thoughts I’ve been dealing with for 16 years.
If your would do a reaction to “Swim” by Jack’s Mannequin it would mean the world to me. I’m not sure you’ll even check the comments on a video this old, but I want you to know that you are a bright spot in this world, and watching your reactions helps me through. Much Love.
You should react to Ren “For Joe” it has part of this song. It’s live and a continuation for Joe. It’s so so powerful.
Thank you. Your response and comments meant a lot to me.
You’re one of the few people who interpreted the entire song correctly. As a bonus, though, watching you feel the beat and kicking, and swaying is the celebration of life.
That song speaks so deeply to me… I remember the time I lost my cousin that was like a brother to me to suicide. 
that’s what started me on my path to become a medical professional
Sometimes over empathy from others also drives the suicidal feeling. You noted it in here, allowing it to just be, to just exist, has been my saving grace. I haven’t wanted someone to feel me because that too hurts, but someone who gives space for those feelings to exist just as they are, that’s healing. We’re human, and the more we allow ourselves to be human, to feel the hurt and know that it’s okay, the more humane we get.
I’m sorry for your loss. I’ve lost people to suicide too, but never a best friend. That’s got to feel like a part of you. <3
If you really wanna react to some sad / su*icidal song, check out Hashu or Karacter
Ren is a blessing and your commentary brings so much clarity and understanding to what he is brilliantly portraying. Didn’t know I needed this but it’s something that gives me and I think all of us hope, even in these trying times.
Ren is capable of painting such a clear image of the feelings inside us with words, “One sudden movement in a world of possibility, only one movement to expose our fragility” is such a strong quote
Taylor, you’re a beautiful person.
The night my Dad committed suicide I was supposed to be the one to go check on him but I was on a night out getting drunk and dancing. I was so pissed that I didn’t hear the multiple phone calls from my mum (she was away collecting Dads brother to try and get through to him cos he was in a deep depression). She knew something was wrong and wanted me to go see him. Instead she had to call my brother (the only sympathy I feel for my brother is having to walk in and find Dad gone). We don’t speak anymore. He basically abandoned the family even before Dad died.