Therapist Reacts to Toxicity by System of a Down

Anger… a pressure cooker best kept out of sight. a demon raging in the soul that has escaped only once and the experience was terrifying. Yet anger repressed is a living hell because it cannot be repressed. And yet why bother, anger has never changed much except for the worst. And nothing changes whether I express or don’t express.

These days I find myself struggling with just an overwhelming feeling of “why bother” and being angry that I care because it hurts so very much to care in a world gone insane with brutality. Knowing that nothing I say matters one iota nor changes a thing. I used to say focus on what I can control and focus on doing small, good deeds but these days it feels more like a self-delusion knowing that what is going on hasn’t stopped just because I stopped paying attention. How does one unsee what we have seen or unhear what we have heard other than by lying to ourselves, or hiding from ourselves? I used to do that with drugs and alcohol but am 15 years clean and sober (17 sober 15 clean) and that is no longer an option …but there are days I Iong for the oblivion of a blackout.
And it’s not as if this is the only issue of pointlessness I deal with.1987 I was diagnosed with HIV through mandatory testing, I was disowned by a religious family and made homeless. I have fought and struggled, I have thrown all dignity out the window (even to the point of selling myself for the pleasure of strangers), and scratched and endured. I lived through the nightmare of the stigma and death; I have buried 267 of my friends and acquaintances and seen every face of AIDS there is. I struggled for the dignity and respect, marched and protested, and now here I am with a world taking it all away as if it never happened and it was all for nothing. Now anti-LGBTQ bigotry is back in vogue, backed with the force of state and federal law and worse than ever it seems. Scratching my way from homelessness to being a first-time homeowner with a 30year mortgage that made me PROUD for having done something I would never have imagined possible just to find out 3 months later I now not just have HIV, but terminal bone cancer BECAUSE of the HIV medication… the very thing keeping me alive has now consigned me to another death. And what good being angry, what good crying, begging for mercy from a merciless god? Why trust those who have by their refusal to wear masks or get vaccinated, by razor wire at the border and drowning migrant kids , or making excuses for the mass bombing of refugees waving white flags, or a transgender child terrified to go to school.

Disorder? Disorder is my life no matter what I do, no matter how I try, no matter what I feel, no matter what I think, there is always another shoe kicking me in the teeth.

What was the Line from “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas? “Just a drop of water in an endless sea”. Sounds about right…

I am angry at the world, but I am angrier that I can’t stop feeling, that I can’t just give up and accept that sometimes the best a man can hope for is to die in his sleep. but given my luck… probably not.

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0:12 the cutest reaction to that part I’ve ever seen
0:24 1998
3:58 you are so right
5:00 you are genius

End of the video: we need more humans like you

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SOAD is definitly one of my top 10 favorite bands. And I am a punker.

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You! What, do you own the world? How do you own disorder?

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Keep going, We gonna get you to 100k soon :metal::wink:

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You should check out the band Sylosis and a song from their latest album, (A Sign of Things To Come), called Absent. I think they did an immaculate job of encapsulating what most humans these days are feeling but also making the song hit you like he’s either singing about you or to you.
As a fellow therapist and, (as of today), first time viewer…I really think it will move you in ways you probably haven’t been moved in.

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Well I think it’s a good time for a Tool reaction! Sober, or Schism are really good choises.

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Do you have a Facebook channel?

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Love you but the Caucasian millennial vibe of this video is so strong lol

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The song is called Toxicity, and it talks about eating seeds is a pastime activity - to me, that’s significant - it’s not just that life is dreary, but also that our dreary lives are toxic to our environment at large. Our ennui is an immensely destructive force - and it is only when we can conquer that, that we can shine a light for others.

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Miss, you get the SOAD art. I’m loving watching your reacts.

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Rammstein - Zeit (Official Video) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EbHGS_bVkXY&ab_channel=RammsteinOfficial

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To me, the lyric “Somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep” was always about life. Sacred silence is when you are in the womb, and sleep is death.

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Im a gamer, so I relate that feeling to basically life feels like a game I have played for a long time, its familiar, but no longer something I want to play. I am forced to because of my family and friends, but some days the quit button is very tempting…

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The entire song is a therapy drug for stress.

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I think you should check out Type O Negative if you have not already. Especially I don`t wanna be me. That song still helps me a lot

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I always took disorder as his rebellion against the monotony of order, of going through the motions of life following a prescribed path feeling empty but feeling helpless against the flow of time so he just pursues disorder for the sake of disorder to break apart the order of his life and try to find himself in the pieces.

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Great vid :)…“eating seeds” was used in the 90’s as a reference for popping pills. The takeaway i always got from the song was “in between the sacred silence, and sleep…disorder” was a reference to the rise in ADHD diagnosis’ and the treatment was to just hand somebody pills.(if you werent asleep, you were in the “sacred silence” aka drugged state. Anything else was disorder) Parents in the 90’s didnt want to work with kids deemed “disorderly” because they couldnt focus, so they were given drugs as an overprescribed quick fix.

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can you please react to Paradise Lost: Darker Thoughts (official video), please? See what you make of that and a much better song too plus with three differing styles of singing ! Sadly not many Americans have the guts to react to the British inventors of metal and in particular the invnovators of doom/death and gothic metal (Paradise Lost). PL are literally FAMOUS everywhere else in the world-just not in the USA!

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5:44 was Black Tongue?? Dare I say I’m impressed, quite the sludgey band