There’s hope after trauma

I know I’ve shared my story before, I have been feeling that the more I share and talk about it the easier it is to keep on talking and to start to heal from it.
Don’t feel you have to read or respond to this post, I just have been feeling a lot more hopeful lately.

I have finally been able to at the very least acknowledge that there was sexual abuse towards my brother and I. I know I am grateful for him being responsible for getting us help. I chose not to think about it because that meant that I had to fight past thinking he was the one who could be responsible for our mothers death. If everything had not been exposed, she wouldn’t have started drinking, she wouldn’t have become depressed and she wouldn’t have taken her own life.
I know that she could have ended up there anyway and I know that it wasn’t fair for my brother and I to be abused.

I don’t know if forgiveness is something I feel towards my mother, but I have let go of hate and fighting to make sense of her choices.

I miss my brother a lot, but I can’t be mad at him. I was when he was alive and when he was using my aunt and I to steal money for drugs. It hurt seeing him the way he was. It hurt knowing at times he wanted better for himself. Losing someone to an overdose is something that is conflicting.

And lastly I have been trying my hardest to forgive myself for the selfishness I feel labels me. Sometimes I do feel immense guilt for trying to take my life. It hits like a wave because it pulls you back under and out into the sea that feels endless and lonely.

This doesn’t sound very hopeful, but there is hope. I’m not my abuser’s victim anymore, I’m not my mother’s dead weight, I’m not my brother’s guilt and I’m not finished.
My last name is new, my friends are new, my direction in life is new.

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thank you for such a powerful post.

I’m so happy that the name change is part of a whole new outlook for you. I do hear the hope in you, and it’s so wonderful!
We’re here for you!

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Hey there @Whois

I know it can take a lot of courage to open up and share your story. I just want to keep it short and tell you I really appreciate your post. I think that working through the trauma takes time and a lot of energy and it can be a real challenge to climb that mountain. But it looks like you are getting out on the upper ridge and can look out at see the path behind you, the journey ahead still can be rocky but it gets easier from here.

Keep up moving forward and we are here with you to celebrate and commiserate whatever comes up :slight_smile:

Take care <3/Mish

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From: Mamadien

Whois thank you so much for being here and posting this update to where you are in your journey to recovery and wholeness. You have done so much work to get to where you are and it inspires me to continue to do that hard work in my life. I’m glad you are with us. Thank you.

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From: ManekiNeko

I’m really proud of you for being where you are right now. The person you are and your mindset has made a huge impact and I know you have the ability to absolutely thrive!
The fact you have this new name and new people in your life is a massive and amazing thing. I’m so glad you’re here

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From: twixremix

hi whois,

thank you for your vulnerability with such raw topics; i definitely agree that the more we talk openly about our trauma and emotions, the easier it gets to heal yourself. with all you’ve shared here, it brings me comfort to know you are feeling hopeful and ready for the journey ahead. that last paragraph in particular is so strong… YOU are so strong. you have risen above a hopeless situation and found a better tomorrow and for that, i am so proud of you. take this period of your life as a lifelong testament on how you can persevere and overcome anything, truly. your maturity in approaching your past is admirable and i wish you all the best as you keep moving forward. take that new last name, the new friends, and new life direction and make it a good life, my friend. you got this, you absolutely got this!

love,
twix

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Whois, Thank you for this post. I am so grateful for you and for your ability to be able to share this with us. I cannot imagine how difficult it has been to try to heal and get closure from your past and I hope the change of name can bring you at least some. I haven’t known you long but reading this and getting to know you I can honestly say that I am truly proud of you and what an amazing person you are and I hope that this new direction takes you to places that make you happier than you have ever dreamed of because my friend that is what you deserve. Much Love Lisalovesfeathers. x

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Hey Whois, good to hear from ya again.

I am super glad to read that you are feeling hopeful! With all that you have shared, and the hard fought battles and victories that you are now able to share, I am so glad to read this update. I am 100% confident that your story will reach to someone else who is struggling. Thank you so much for sharing, friend.

Here’s to you, and more steps on your journey :hrtlegolove:

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Oh Dear Who,

I just want you to know that I want to thank you for the courage it took to write this post. It might not seem like it but you are an amazing person. There is so much power in the feeling of new things & I am glad that you have found that for yourself. Forgiveness can be difficult to do, but it can be extremely freeing. I am proud of you for doing that. I think one of the most difficult things in life is to forgive ourselves. We are our own worst critics. I know that you will be able to overcome those waves that bring you down & surf on them, even on the highest points.

You are valid. You are strong. You are enough. You are important. You matter.

-StarFox :yellow_heart:

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Hey all, thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement. It means a lot, especially when I’ve been getting in my head lately. I’m really grateful for every one of your replies and thoughtfulness

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