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There's just too much

I guess that , everything, at one point gets to be too much.
I’ve kept everything inside, starting from the age of 9, and always thought that all would change…
I’m 32 now, and not only did nothing change, but it got worse. Everything that i held up inside all these years is surfacing, like there is no more room.

I’m so tired…i’m so very tired and it’s just too much for me. Nothing helps, not even therapy…
I just want to let go…and i think i will, i’m sorry.

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Hey friend! I’m sorry you’re struggling with so much, but I urge you to hold on,I’m here for you

I know the feeling and am right there with you. Life can be really difficult emotionally and in other ways for many of us. Maybe you can try and distract yourself by doing something. The negative emotional state that you are in won’t disappear but maybe it will give you some breathing room and buy you some more time until you feel a little bit better.

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The thing is, i’m trying to distract myself…i used to love fishing, as my primary hobby, but i lost that feeling it gave me…i’m still trying to get it back, but it just seems like it doesn’t work.
My sleep is all over the place, and with nightmares that i can’t remember…
I liked cooking…ofcourse, my appetite is gone aswell. I’m fit, but i liked tasting new things. Now it’s gone…

I sought help, in the form of therapy, hoping that it would make me see everything different, but it doesn’t work. Not that the therapist isn’t good, i believe that such a long time has passed with me feeling this way, stronger and stronger, that it’s become a bit too late…

I have to confess, i’m very empathic, i learned that on my own.
I guess, that what i really want to say is that i’m sincerely sorry…

Inpatient psychiatric ward? Sometimes they teach you very useful tools. This is not over until you say it is. You are not untreatable unless you say you are. If you are about to kill yourself, who is going to find your body? Why are you angry with them?

Hey, friend. My heart feels so heavy for you. I know just what you’re feeling and I’m so sorry that you have to go through that. Sadly, this is what happens when we keep thing bottled up. All of that pent up sadness, aggression, frustration, anxiety- it all adds a drop into the bottle. Eventually all those emotions (drops) add up, and now the bottle’s overflowing, making a huge mess.

I know what it feels like to have so much weighing you down constantly, or you just always feel like if one more negative thing happens in your life, you’re going to break. It’s such a scary state to be in! Please just know that in whatever state you’re in right now, love will find a way. It always does! You are far, far from alone in what you’re going through! Have faith that this… obstacle, mountain, desert season- whatever you want to call it- you will overcome it. You won’t only survive in this season, you will thrive- because you have love on your side! Don’t be afraid of these negative emotions you feel, instead see them as what they really are: lies. That’s all they are. The next time you have a thought like “i’m not good enough” or “i’m worthless” or “i’m so weak”, you need to recognize the thought as nothing but a lie sent by the enemy to bring you down. Instead, hold onto these truths:

You are loved more than you could ever know.
You are worth more than anyone could ever count.
You were made for so much more than all of this.

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You are right, Xsara…having kept everything bottled up inside, well…the effects are showing. And honestly, i didn’t even think of it, i just kept placing everything inside…but now i do see and feel how all that stuff is getting to be too much, i guess there’s just so much one can keep inside …
It feels like…waves, coming so fast that i cannot stop them…
It may be all just in my mind, but i feel worthless, that i’m not good enough and never will be, it’s always my fault, and that’s the truth that i know…

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I don’t really want to go into details right now, but there are things that affected me , in such a hard way over the years, and i feel that, as a parent, one should notice it. Mine didn’t. I don’t know why…i certainly would have.
But i can’t be angry with them, it’s just not me, even if it hurts me so much, inside, that they probably have no clue what i’m going through.

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It seems like you’ve been through a whole lot there, huh! It’s so crazy when we step back and look at everything that’s happening, and you’re like… wow, my life’s been crazy! I’m sure for many “crazy” is an understatement, but you know what I mean.

Alex, I think you need to let yourself let it out. If you feel sad, allow yourself to be sad. Don’t push it away. If you feel angry at someone, recognize why you’re angry at them and do all you can about it in a way that you believe is right (like gently confronting them, or even just pushing them out for a while because that’s alright). Don’t you think it’s time you start doing something about these pent up emotions? I know it seems scary, and it won’t be easy, but you know what, the process of healing never really is easy- however we all know it’s more than worth it. Find a way to spill your thoughts out- whether it’s journaling, talking to a therapist that you trust, or a close friend.

Another thing! Give yourself lots and lots of time for yourself. Just you time! Take about 15 minutes to an hour each day to let yourself just be. Find a comfortable spot, get a blanket, get a nice snack or a hot drink and just be present in the moment (cheesy as it sounds). Healing takes time. So give yourself the time your heart so needs!
Praying for you! I have a feeling everything’s going to turn out just fine.

I understand what you’re saying Xsara, but if i let it out to my brother…it’s going to hurt him alot, i know that. And me aswell, and i don’t want to lose him…

As for giving time for myself…I am alone, only one close friend i trust, and that i actually can call a friend…
Everything else that i do, i am alone…

Oh, and just an edit: I …used to believe…i don’t think i can anymore…