I am a 29 years old man who simply gave up having sex, because my mind won’t let me.
Always been extremely anxious, to the point of getting physically ill. I also have, since my teen years, tried to find a woman with whom i could get married and have children, i never really wanted to be the ‘game’ guy, going out with plenty, just a reserved person with a woman on my side, and kids for my genes to live on. My genes, though, are not good at all (this topic is proof) which i suppose the whole situation came for the greater good, objectively speaking.
The reason i gave up sex (even though i am not a virgin) is that i mostly can’t control the anxiety at the time, and then i not only can’t make the ‘thing’ work, but i even lose my desire because of it. Then, at some situations i get turned on by something, but when the time comes the anxiety overlaps it, and it’s just one never ending cycle of frustration and embarassment. I have tried a lot of things, including medication (and by the way, everything in my body is ok, hormones, etc) apparently some people just weren’t born for the live they want.
The problem now is, if i can’t have the life i’ve always seen myself in the ‘future’, now that the future came, what should i expect? What should i wish for? There isn’t anything, i was not born to be alone, and yet everything in my minds works towards this life, one who can’t have a happy and sorrounded by people existence. Even the other things i like, just the possibility that i will always do it by myself is terrifying. The other day i had a conversation with a woman that i really got interested, and it seemed like she liked me as well, but at some point i had to cut it off, i just couldn’t go through the same thing again and again, frustrating not only myself but also her.
It is getting impressively hard to deal with this prospect for my life, a life without a family, i don’t think there is hope.