My addiction is hitting its all time low…i think im hitting my rock bottom…what funny is… it does not feel dark and scary…it feels okay. Blissful? I dont really know. All i know is i can tell this is ganna continue down this path and its ganna get worse. As in this. This is it. This is what i have been dreading. What im doing. Whats happening. Is what i have dreaded for years. Is happening. I dont even know of im explaining it right.
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I’ll start by saying, I’m sorry to hear about your addiction struggles. I know addiction is hard, I’ve been down that road myself and I hope that in time you find the strength and support you need to overcome it.
The thing about rock bottom is that, by definition it doesn’t get worse. So that’s the good thing I guess, depending on how you look at it. Because A) if you are at your rock bottom, it means that it won’t get worse and usually it is where people mind the motivation to make a major life change, or B) if you really do dread hitting rock bottom and you’re not quite there yet, it’s not too late to try to alter your course before it’s too late.
I would like to share the story of my rock bottom. It happened over many hard years so I will try to condense it and keep it short.
In a nutshell, I went from being a straight A student in school (due to my abusive step dad placing 100% of my worth in what I produced) to being a total dead beat. I left their care at 16 after I graduated because I figured at long as I was dead inside anyway, I might as well live on the streets and then I’d either find my way or die for real.
That went on for years. I never knew where I would sleep the next night. I never knew where my next meal would come from. Everybody I turned to for help abandoned me. I had nothing. For a long time the only thing I could do was come to the realization that I was kind of a failure at life and I started to realize that I needed to change.
I’m not here to judge you or what you perceive your rock bottom - in my case it was anything but blissful. I would only eat one meal a week. I was ravaged with anxiety not knowing where I would sleep. I hated that I didn’t have anyone. Looking back though, it’s exactly what I needed to change. It’s times like these that you learn what you’re made of. You learn what really matters to you.
Our trials and difficulties will always be our own and so while my bottom looked like this, you may experience it differently, however, I implore you to take this moment to do some serious reflection on who you are, what really matters to you, and whether or not you truly want change. And then make those things happen.
You can do this, friend. Hold fast.
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