TW mention of self harm and suicide.
Things around me look fake and not normal. I was focusing on my phone, but it wasn’t a phone… even tho I know it’s a phone. That’s so confusing, I’m sorry. I’ve been experiencing derealization today off and on. I was outside and I was going thru the gate that leads to my back yard and the gate looked warped and like it wasn’t going to close, but it did. That happens a lot.
I feel like I’m in a dream and I have no connection to the things and people around me. I look at my boyfriend or my cats and even tho I know who they are, I don’t recognize them.
Usually, I can do my 5 things coping skill (I put it at the end) or do a Mindfulness meditation and it will go away, but I’m also hearing voices telling me that I’m losing my mind and it’s destressing me. They tell me to cut or kill myself because there is no hope for me. I know not to believe the voices, but they can be pretty convincing sometimes. I don’t have any urges, thank goodness.
It’s making me anxious tho, so I’m trying to breathe. Slowly inhaling for 6 seconds, then holding for 4 seconds, breathing out for 6 seconds and holding 4 seconds before the next breath. Our breath is our life source, yet it’s those moments in between our breaths that bring me back to my senses and reconnects me. Strange, isn’t it?
I’m not really sure if anyone can help, but if you do have a coping skill that helps ground you, I would really like to hear it.
The 5 Things… (works really well for anxiety too)
- Acknowledge FIVE things you see around you.
- Acknowledge FOUR things you can touch around you.
- Acknowledge THREE things you hear.
- Acknowledge TWO things you can smell.
those dang voices shakes fists
I’m glad you’re using all the tools you know, and glad that you’re here willing to learn and try out others.
Breath awareness is an amazing tool.
There are other types of intense breathing too, i’ll look it up and see if anything sounds okay to try!
You’re loved and so many of us here care about you
If you’re on medication, maybe you should talk to your doctor about an adjustment or change. Typically, the body develops “tolerance” for medication, therefore the dosage may need to be raised to become therapeutic again, or perhaps a different one needs to be tried. On the other hand, it may need to be reduced or changed, if it’s negatively affecting you.
I think of the voices like they’re parts of dreams that are “leaking” into waking consciousness. I think dreamlike activity goes on within all of us all the time. It’s just that some of us “hear it.”
I love your “5 things” approach. The only other thing I can think of is something like sparkling water or other refreshing drink, just not booze. You can also keep a few lemons around and add it to ice water, or just make lemonade. A sniff of lemon is a nice experience too.
I think the “not looking real” thing may be connected to anxiety, so I’m glad the 5 things approach works for that too.
Stay in touch, Wings
This all sounds very strange and frightening and im so sorry that you are feeling this way.
Rosie I know that I dont know all I need to know about the diagnoses you have but as usual I do have a theory on this.
You have had a difficult couple of days both physically and mentally and you are exhausted in both capasities and I believe that anyone who has long term medical conditions can attain that, that or those conditions will always take an oportunity like that to take advantage of you.
I guess in short im saying that you are tired and upset so please get some rest, get lots of rest until you are feeling more yourself and also be kind to yourself with regards to your sadness right now. It is a difficult time and you will prob find you need more rest to cope with that too and that is ok, get as much as you need, The less tired you are, the stronger you will feel to fight back, we are here for you of course too but your strength is paramount.
love you Rosie, your friend Lisa. x
From: I Am Reclaimer
Hey friend, I’m sorry that you have to deal with these mind bending things. I’ve honestly had to deal with similiar circumstances after having a sever brain injury. What i learned through my experience is that I can’t control everything in my waking experience. When ever I have that mind bending encounter with a gate that looks warped for a good second, I remind myself that it shouldn’t be like that and ground myself through logic. It’s also important not to let yourself get attached to the fealing that you can’t escape these things - that creates an enviornemnt ripe for you to brude on these intrucive thoughts/voices. Keep doing everything that you’re doing - with time and practice the meditation will help keep you in the present and ground you a lot!
hi Rosie! Gosh I’m so sorry that you’ve been going through this. It must be so hard to have these moments were the lines of reality get a bit blurry. I also love the 5 things method, but I love to expand even more on them. I’m not sure if you’re a tactile type of person, but something fun my friend and I have been exploring through art is making the fun things. She enjoys the colour side of it. What colours can she mix, what can she create through those mixed colours ect. I like the tactile side of things, what different shapes and textures I can make out of objects. Glueing or ripping things up, I tried my hand at sewing and I suck, but crocheting is fun! Different patterns that feel different. Different weights of wool ect. Those things take some time and focus and hopefully draw away from the stress of the world. I hope you’re doing well dear Rosie! X