Back to heartsupport

Things get worse before they get better


#1

The past week has been a lot. I realized I had to get my crap together with school. Turns out I have to drop a class but I can pick up the same course for eight week classes so it’s fine.

Right now I’m just struggling with emotions. I have an appointment on Thursday with a campus counselor.

I got my medication to a higher dose. But once again here I am. I get it- it gets worse before it gets better. But why do I have to deal with the crap every other month. New meds means new start to the cycle. It doesn’t help I’m on my period right now and I’ve been very open about the effects it has on me. I talked to my doctor about it and she said it was normal, which I guess it is normal. I don’t know. It just seems like it’s a bigger issue for me than it should be.

I’m trying to talk to people in my area; of course it’s through dating apps because I don’t know what else to do; can’t just walk into Walmart and be like hey let’s be friends. At least I can’t.

I don’t have anyone from high school to reconnect with since high school was a terrible time for me and I never want to go back to those people or that place.

I was doing fine for like two days and now my mother is starting to frustrate me again and I don’t know if it’s just me being a bitch, her being very on me as she was, or just hormones.

Anyways. I’m hoping to get out of the house today. I feel like shot for not working on my art which is my current job.

I try very hard and focus on one aspect of life and the others fall behind. It’s like I can’t win.


#2

Love you, Lys.

Having all of the internal storm, no vent of friendship, and fear of failing at what matters most to you (then shame for not doing anything about it)…the foundations for a really frustrating day(s).

I’m sorry things are rough for you :\ It’s so tough to hold your head up when you feel pushing one part forward automatically means something else is going to fall behind…and when there’s multiple things you’ve got and it feels like everything’s falling behind, you start to turn around from what you’re pushing, and then that pushes back against you too…it’s like in seasons where you feel abundant energy, you can kind of manage and get things moving, but in seasons like this where it feels like things are really rough, it feels like you’re just slipping downhill and eventually it’ll all catch too much momentum for you to ever press it back (at least that’s what it feels like).