Thinking about reaching out to a friend I had a falling out with a few months ago

So a while back I had a falling out with a friend where long story short, they were doing things that were hurting me, and I attempted to gently bring them up or let them know that I wanted to talk about some things. Approached things as best I could and was non the less invalidated, dismissed and turned against and made out to be the bad guy. It unfortunately wasn’t the first time they’ve dismissed my feelings on the particular subject. We haven’t really talked in 4 months, I haven’t reached out at all. They’ve whispered me in the game we play here and there somewhat willy-nilly, as if nothing was wrong. It made me somewhat uncomfortable and not know how to respond. I gave them space, gave them 2 months to say next to anything relevant to talking or what went down between us, but I got nothing. I decided for my mental health to remove them from my discord friends and a few other places. Also leaving their streaming discord to which I was a mod on. I still remain a mod on their twitch channel, though I don’t go to their streams anymore, but their streams have become very seldom.

That was 2 months ago that I removed them, I still have them as a friend on steam, I still follow them on twitch etc. so it isn’t like I full wiped them from existence, and I think they know this. I just needed some space from seeing their name places and getting in my head of, ‘why are they incapable of reaching out to me if they’re here on this doing that, or doing that’, y’know? I didn’t let them know I removed them, I just kinda did it.

But anyways, I feel like reaching out to them, because I would like to remain friends, and I hate the idea of both of us potentially wanting to remain friends and rekindle things, but being scared of rejection or adversity in attempting to reach out so we don’t. I think I’m at a place where I can/should reach out. I’ve gotten a fair bit of anxiety over this from not reaching out, or attempting to guess or assume what the outcome might be, or what they might be feeling. So, maybe I should just reach out and see for myself.

But I wanted to run the message by you guys first just in-case I’m overlooking anything. I don’t want to poke any triggers or come off any kind of negative or hostile way. I think I’ve worded things okay and clear enough?

Hi __,

I’ve wanted to message you but dunno when or how to be honest, so I’ve been apprehensive. And I’m sorry if this is bad timing, it’s impossible for me to know when is best and I hope hearing from me isn’t overwhelming. It’s been a while, and I guess I just wanted to check in and see how you’ve been and if maybe you wanted to talk or somethin cause I think a few weeks ago you whispered me during raid with a kekw and a heart and I was a lil confused and didn’t really know how to respond honestly and wondered, ‘why would she send me a heart?’ since I’ve kinda been under the impression you don’t want to talk or hear from me or anything. I almost messaged you later that night to ask, if maybe you wanted to talk and/or were gauging my reaction to see where I’m at, or maybe it was nothing, I dunno. But regardless I thought I’d message you and just ask and make it clear that I’d like to restore and mend our friendship if you’d like to as well. I know there are misunderstandings between us and I’d like to wash them away. I can imagine with some things that you maybe could’ve felt like I don’t want to be friends anymore or something, but I just wanted to let you know that isn’t true. I miss you homie and even though a part of me is nervous and fears an adverse response I care about you enough to at least reach out and try rather than just letting things wither away through an assumption and without even trying.

But that’s it, you can let me know where you’re at with things if you’d like, there’s no rush, if you don’t wanna talk or anything that’s okay, do what feels right and best to you.

The bit about me imagining some things could make it appear like I don’t want to be friends anymore is reference to me removing her from my friends list a few places.

But yeah any advice or criticism is welcome and appreciated!

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Hey Dingbat,

Your message looks thought out, genuine, and clearly states what you seem to want to communicate. I don’t think I have any advice for ya.

send-it-mailbox

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Hey Friend, thank you for your post and nice to meet you. I have read through your letter to your friend and I think its a really nice letter, I have absolutely no critisism whatsoever, I love the fact that you have said what you need to say without putting any pressure on the person to respond but you have let them know that they are important to you. I truly hope that you get a response and that it is the one you are hoping for. I would love to know if you do. Much Love Lisa. xx

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hey dingbat,

i think your message you included in your post is a very mature step forward in mending your relationship. it takes a lot of bravery to do these kinds of things so lemme start by saying i’m proud of you. i think the part about “i can imagine with some things…” may look assumptive out of context but i think it works with the clarifying follow-up sentence. for the situation, i can tell that this message comes from a place of sincerity and hope for a fixed bond between you. i wish for the best in their reply back to you!

love,
twix

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Thank you, I may send this out tomorrow if I’m feeling up for it. I’m weary that a bad reaction is likely, but knowing that it’s at least worded well enough would make me feel better and not blame myself or question if I could have worded things better. If I do get a bad response it’s moreso on them and our friendship isn’t really meant to be I suppose. Fingers crossed it goes well though lol

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So I sent it, and later they responded and just said to let em know if I can hop in a call with them. We ended up talkin for 4 hours and I was able to understand a lot of where they were at then and how they are now and I voiced some of the things that upset me months back and sort of in a sense indirectly established some boundaries but we just kinda hung out and it was chill and nice. I’m happy I reached out, they said they saw my message on discord and were excited to see my name messaging them since we hadn’t really talked in a long while but at the same time anxious of what it could be since when we last talked it wasn’t left on the greatest of terms but she decided to read it at work anyways and liked the message so, yeah! Hoping this is a nice turning point for good things again with my homie.

I sat there for like, 40 minutes reading the message over and over suuuper anxious before sending it, trying to hype myself up haha I was so nervous but I’m glad I did :slight_smile:

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