Casey was recently discussing fear and how sometimes our actions are driven by fear. And we all sorta got talking about it.
I got thinking last night. How fear is the driving force that keeps me going. It’s the force that pushes me to do the things I do to heal and move forward. It’s the force that pushed me to get where I am and change my life for the better. The fear for my life and where it was headed.
Yet at the same exact time it’s the same force that stops me. That prevents me from being able to push forward as much as I want to. That cripples my success. I’m in a better place than before, but yet again fear stops me. Failure. Rejection. Not being good enough. Fear of always being in a non stop state of fighting. Fear of growing exhausted and not being able to handle it anymore. My body is tired.
Fear is the driving force that both pushes me and holds me back. I get this weird vision in my head. Like magnets. You know when you get magnets facing each other the wrong way and it causes this resistance?
That’s how my fear feels. The force from both sides of it just puts me in this weird void. They repel each other.
I’m trying to figure out how to fight and reverse that resistance.
Just thought it was interesting how fear can be both a motivator and demotivate…at the same time.
Does this even make sense?
It’s been where I’ve been at this last year. I was motivated by fear for a while and now I’m stuck because I’m afraid of the future. Of people. Of my health. Of everything.
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It absolutely makes sense. You never want to go back to the way things were, but is that enough? What is enough anyhow? When there is no end game, you just keep pushing forward as hard as you can, and that’s terrifying. How can you keep going indefinitely when you’re so exhausted? And yet stopping isn’t an option because you’ll backslide. It’s Continuous Improvement turned toxic.
Good for you for asking the question. I was stuck in this for a long time. The answer was always just to keep going, sleep every moment I was able, drink, live for the weekends, look forward to semi-annual vacations to recharge, and do whatever I needed to survive. But a few months ago I was finally overwhelmed by the question: When will it be enough? I have a good career, a loving wife, a stable living situation, but I was always looking for the next level up. I looked into the future, and I saw growth and gains, big accomplishments and milestones, but the fantasy felt empty and lacked “success.” What next?
I think I found the answer in church, on the most unlikely day. Our pastor was doing the annual Giving Talk, discussing where our tithes were going and what their goals are for this fiscal year. But he ended it with something that really resonated with me. He said he was going over reports of all the charity and mission work the church had done over the last year and was really excited by all of it, but then he realized he was looking at pieces of paper and missing the real point of it all. Good work isn’t about metrics and reports, it’s about the good you’re doing and people you’re impacting, and whether you’re a doctor or a forklift operator at Amazon you’re impacting someone out there. He left us with a line that will always stick with me: “Focus on the people, not the projects.” It came clear in a journaling exercise one night later, and after the initial shock of a complete change of perspective I think it set me free.
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I loved this. Thank you. While I am not religious, I really appreciate your message and that final entry there that you hand wrote. These are the things I should really be asking and focusing on. This was a really good message and I appreciate you taking the time to remind me of something important. <3
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hey @anon17277947 ,
I hear you friend and i see you friend. Im sorry your struggling but this isnt the end. Fear will happen but its only a temporary feeling .
You may fear that you would feel like a failure but thats no true . Thats Fear telling you what you should feel and what not to feel .
I just want to input some truth :
1- you may fear like you will end up a failure but you wont . YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. You are an amazing human being that im lucky to call you my friend …
2- You may fear like you may be rejected , but it happens you just got to move forward this fear is only temporary and to tell you the truth people in this community WILL NOT REJECT YOU.
3) You feel like you fear about not being good enough but the truth here is YOU are good enough, you ARE Enough. Ive felt this feeling before its a sticky situation to be in but this feeling wont last.
When it comes to you feeling exhausting about fear keep fighting keep getting stronger . Theres this Audio i listened to back then called : Dont let these 5 things control you - Fearless soul
This audio had talked about some of the things that you’ve mentioned here ( relationships , limited beliefes you project on yourself, and your past/ future ).
Imma break down these 3 parts from the video and share them with what he says about each part
1- Your past and future - he talks about how you shouldn’t allow these things to ruing your past or future, these things must let go . he also says that the pain you’ve had in the past should be left behind because the past is in the past and you shouldnt dread what has happened to you if it comes from feeling like a failure to feeling like rejection will happen and that so those feelings can not happen in the future . ( yeah your feelings are valued but what it means by that is find ways to make sure next time you could be strong and fight back what you had felt from before) if those things have happened i am so sorry koyangi <3. Things will get better. What was also said in this audio for this section was , reliving these things wont do you good . when you relive these things it would bring you back down to where you started and we want to see you fight and get better .
2 - when it comes to limited beliefes ( what ever your thinking or believeing about yourself ) this audio talks about how dont allow what you think about yourself be controlled by your own beliefs or thoughts. What this person wrote that stook out to me in this audio was " these beliefes may be consious , but more then likely they are unconsious. They may be unconsious limitations that may have been conditioned from a young age and through your life till now ." and " Notice your own limited beliefs and tell the negative ones to be be quiet."
3- when it comes to relationships, its a touchy subject no matter who you with no matter what your friends are it will go different ways . Part of this audio im not going to cover because i dont know what you mean by rejection is it by friends or a significant other ? Part of the audio i wanted to share with you is " You will get to the point to develop enough mental strength to be okay ." If you are in a relationship or not ( i know you have a significant other ) you can be happy either way , You can be happy you can feel like your not going to be rejected.
As i said above we wont reject you here friend. I hope this post helps you in some sort of way . My discord dms will always be open for you hold fast!
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Wow Ashley. This was really sweet of you! Thank you.
As far as what I meant by rejection, I definitely don’t mean in my relationship. Though, in my previous relationship that was a battle, in this one, I feel confident, secure and safe. I never worry about rejection in that way. I know my partner loves me. And for once in my life I trust that love. My fear of rejection often comes from fear in my friendships, fear in places I want to succeed in and worrying I’ll be seen as not good enough or miss read since I struggle expressing myself sometimes. I fear rejection in areas I need help. I fear rejection in a lot of ways, from society, from strangers, from doctors etc. Some of this comes from my autism and my struggle to properly express myself, some of this comes from my weight and feeling unattractive. Some of it comes from my disabilities and fearing that where I’m passionate about and want to do things in, people will think I’m not good enough. Sometimes I even fear rejection here. That someone may miss understand my intentions.
It’s a work in progress. But I really appreciate all of the things you just said here. Also, I hope you know this applies to you. You are also good enough! And I know you can succeed in school, within your relationships, be it friends, your parents or teachers. Remember the things you told me and if you ever struggle with these feelings remember this applies to you as well.
You are a good friend and I love you very much.
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no problem friend love you too .
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