Thinking of running away

I’m 20F from Canada thinking of running away to be with my 22M partner from US. We met online initially and dated for several months before my dad and mom drove down 500+km so I could meet him.

It was the best time of my life and the best time of my boyfriend’s life. My parents though we’re miserable. They only came to protect me.

Now, I’m considering spending 6 months with my boyfriend as I do my first college semester online. I’m miserable in my town and my parents are racist, ableist, and emotionally abusive.

I’d have to come back home to finish my second semester of school but I have a feeling my parents would let me back considering my sister has run away several times and they let her back every time. I’m very lost and not sure what to do next.


Hi @Niech

Welcome to Heartsupport and thank you for posting, its good to meet you.
This is indeed a situation that many young people find themselves in looking at the big picture these days, a lot of people meet online, practically date online and fall in love online which can appear very strange and frightening for people that do not do the whole online life.

I am sorry that you seem so unhappy at home, no one wants to feel unhappy in their own home and you clearly feel like your parents are not good people however you yourself said that they drove 500+ km and spent a miserable time at your boyfriends just so that you could meet him, have fun and be safe at the same time? that of course does not negate the fact that you feel they are racist, ableist and emotionally abusive but it does mean that they love you enough to make sure that you do not go off alone to meet a stranger in which anything could happen and “anything could have happened” Im very glad it didnt and Im very happy for you that you are both happy.

With regards the 6 months, if at the moment its a thought, why dont you find a time when both of your parents are free or ask them to go out for coffee with you and let them know how you are feeling, what you are thinking about and you would really like their approval (you dont need it but it would mean so much to have it) words like that show respect and go a long way.
You never know they might be ok with it.
I would love to know how you get on. Good luck
Lisa xx

From: ManekiNeko

welcome to heart support! It’s rough that your parents have that kind mentality. I’m glad you got to meet your boyfriend! I met my partner online too and we met for the first time last year. It was really good to get to know them better and see what it was like having them in my house.

I’m sure there are a lot of things to consider for both of you like finances and what you want to do should you need to move back before the semester is finished. I agree with Lisa that opening that communication with your parents could be a good thing. At least they’ll know where you are and know you are safe too.

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From: eloquentpetrichor

Hey there, Niech! You have a really interesting username. Thank you so much for coming and sharing this with us :hrtlegolove:

I’m assuming you have discussed this thought with your bf and if you two think you are ready to live together than a six month stint would be a good trial run. And if it starts to not work out, since your school is online, it sounds like you would be able to go home again early. I hope that if you make this decision that it works well for you. Have you thought about how you will pay for expenses while in the US? I’m not sure if it is easy to get a work visa for the US from Canada. If you have a bike/car and will be in a bigger city DoorDash and gig jobs are always an option but I wanted to make sure to point out that work may not be easy to find.

As for your situation with your parents, I’m sorry that they are not the kind of people you wish they were and that you do not really enjoy living with them. Again this may be a nice trial run for moving out of home. But I do not think “running away” is the proper term as you are an adult and living away from home even for short stints is common while at uni. I agree with Lisa when she suggests talking to your parents about it so they know your thoughts and they may be willing to help. Even if they are not the best parents you did say they drove a long distance they did not want to do in order to keep you safe. They sound like if nothing else they do care about you.

I hope that your plans work out the way you wish and that if you go on this adventure that it is done with support of your loved ones and ends up beneficial to you in the long run. Please feel free to come back and post again anytime. Keep being you :hrtlegolove:

Hard to feel like your heart and your life are in two separate places. To feel like your parents aren’t who you want to be around, but provide stability. To feel like you want adventure and connection to your boyfriend, but it is not supported. It is this shearing of your insides…tugging you between these realities, and you wish your mind wasn’t being split. That life could just LINE UP, and things would just go smoothly…doesn’t feel like there’s an obvious path forward, and you feel stuck.

Sucks, friend. Especially when you’re at a point in your life where you feel this urgency to DO SOMETHING, and feeling like you’re at a stand still while the world is flying by…it makes you want to jump - one way or the other - but then you can’t choose.

Do you have a trusted mentor in your life, someone older and wiser that has values and character you admire? In hard times, I have found a lot of peace and support and guidance from those kind of people.

If not, usually I try to line up my choices with who I want to be, what kind of person I want to become. Values and character are usually an honest / true guidepost.

Appreciate you sharing in this moment of tension…hope this helps