Thinking over my life

I feel like my life’s been walking on a treadmill for years. I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere…

Am I supposed to be getting anywhere? What am I expected to be doing with my life right now?

I do digital art as a hobby. I’ve been doing it for quite a while now, almost two years. I’ve been trying to do it everyday to help build my skills, but it’s hard to tell if I’ve made any progress. I have a sibling who draws quite often, and the amount they have improved is way better from where I’m at.

I try to compose music but end up stuck on what to do constantly. I look at tutorials, and download extensions, and all this other stuff that’s supposed to help me.

It doesn’t help.

Looking back on it now, maybe all of this has something to do with my mental health… …But how am i supposed to know if that’s what the problem is if- sigh… Sometimes I wonder, maybe I’m just not cut out for this stuff. Then I start telling myself, “But you love to draw! You love composing and doing things with music!”

Sure, but I’m not getting any better at it…

Someday, I hope to become a music producer. Mainly aimed at making Lo-Fi House music. My goal is to get enough experience and skill with making the music so that I can start posting my music on platforms such as Spotify and Apple Music. To start making money from it.

It’s a good goal, but it feels so out of reach…

I don’t even know how I would accomplish a goal like that… I would need money, and that’s something I don’t really have access to…


Being completely honest with everyone, I don’t even have a job. My parents help pay for my basic needs while I focus on my academics.

F***, I don’t even have a car…

My parents don’t contribute much to my interests, I just wait until Christmas or my birthday for money so I can spend the money on those interests myself…

It feels like my goals are in space, almost unreachable…

What am I supposed to do if I don’t have much access to the things I need to reach my goals…


At this point-

I want to give up.

Every year, I’m growing closer to my parents kicking me out of the house.

It makes me feel so helpless…

I want to crawl into the corner of my room and cry, because I feel like I’ve tried everything…

What’s the point… Of living through all of this when I’m obviously getting nowhere…

This is no longer just a journal entry, this is a cry for help.

I want to scream.

I’m not living anymore…

I’m just surviving…


Hey Rayden,

it is not a good goal, it is a great goal, it is an amazing goal my friend.
when this is truly what you achieve, then no goal, no dream is big enough.
you love to draw, you love music. you are amazing my friend. you found two things that you do and love.
stick to it.

do not look at others.
stop that.
concentrate on your progress. YOUR steps. only you are setting your pace in YOUR life.
compare yourself only with yourself. look back at some time ago. give a journal a try, and you will notice
your own progress. this takes energy, this takes time, this will take a lot out you but
you are worth it.
money is a problem everywhere in this world, but with the “resources” we have right now, you can do more
than in the past.
maybe start a fundraise in the internet ? promote yourself a bit. share what you have done.
are there other resources in the near of you ? to connect with people, maybe in a self help group, a
community will help.
you will overcome your struggles, you will come out even more stronger than you are right now.
you will progress in the right direction, in your direction.
don’t expect too much and too fast. give yourself the time, do a list, visualize your progress, take action
towards that.
the treadmill you are in, you are not alone in there. look to your side, i am there also.
step aside out if, turn your doubt into sight. look on the path ahead of you, walk that path, step by step.
i am proud of you, we are proud of you. you matter and you are worth of all that.
Feel hugged and loved my friend,


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, I can see why you would feel like everything is hard work and a world away from you and you seemingly have to try so hard to get where you want to get in your life but I would like you to think for a moment about something, first of all you have been gifted a talent, infact two, music and art! that is incredible and as you practice that and get better (and you will in time) you will be able to move forward and begin to do the things that you want to do. Today we live in a world where everything is done in an instant but good things are worth waiting for, they are also worth working towards because when you do get there you will appriciate it so much more and you will be able to look at anyone and say “I did this, I worked hard, I earned it and this is me” and that is special. Use you gifts and some patience and things will happen for you, im sure of it. Have faith in yourself, I have faith in you. Much Love Lisa x


From: ManekiNeko

hey rayden, how’ve you been travelling? Thought we’d drop in and check up with you. I know that it feels like your might be just treading water and not feeling the benefits of your hard work at the moment. I’d encourage you to both get engaged with other artists and get ideas about how they’ve started their journey and to also look at existing or past artists and their journey. Reading Dave Ghrols book was so interesting and eye opening. It took a lot of hard work and time, and there were times when things looked grim, but the pay off is so worth it.
another idea is to start a little start up company off say Etsy or a local page to promote your digital art and maybe sell some. A local person in my area started off selling prints at the local farmers market and promoting on Facebook, and how they’re quite successful as they do portrait art from photos people send.

you’d probably be surprised by the amount of progress you’ve made and are making. Other people have different styles and progress differently and it’s always easier to look at someone else and see things clearer. Hope you’re doing well