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This hits so close to home. The process of grieving the loss of my brother still feels most of the time like a double sentence: losing him, then not finding the spaces where I could talk about him without making people uncomfortable or feeling bad. As you said, people stop asking. Time goes on, yes, but love remains exactly the same. It often feels like the lack of questions such as “how was he?” “what did he like?”, is a step further in erasing his existence, which often hurts. It feels like an unsolvable contradiction: even though he is not in this world anymore, his absence remains a strong presence in my life, yet it’s been a real challenge to share it. The “war” that consists of sharing the voice of someone who can’t speak anymore isn’t something I was prepared for. Grief
shouldn’t feel like being contaminated with something that no one wants to see or hear about. It should only be about love, and being human.
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I can really relate to what you’re going through. It’s very hard to still be going through the motions of grief and feeling as if the world has already moved on. I really encourage you to talk about your brother and to keep his memory alive if that’s what helps you most. It’s difficult for many people to discuss these things so it could be about finding someone you trust and having those conversations with them. I wish you all the best, friend.
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Hi Friend,
thank you for sharing all of that. Grief is such a difficult topic in overall, always. you can only grief for someone,
you have loved or liked. this is what makes it even harder. the beauty and love we shared together ripped apart
if you are prepared for it or not, it hits you everytime. in life we are confronted with loss sadly more often that we
would like to, but its life. we are born to bloom, petals fall and in the end we are memories.
hold these memories close to your heart and remember people the way they should be remembered.
my thoughts are with you, you are loved and you matter most 
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Hi Friend, Thank you for this comment, I am so very sorry for the loss of your brother, it is something a person I dont think ever can get over, the loss of a loved one but they thankfully most of the time learn to live with it. I completely agree with everything you have said in this post and its sad, I do see both sides of why people are nervous to ask questions for fear of upsetting the person grieving but it can feel like being left out in the dark if you are the one wanting to be spoken to. I hope you know that you are welcome to come here to Heartsupport as much and as often as you need. Again thank you for your wise words. Much Love Lisa. x
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Hi there friend,
It is a cruel contradiction in life that the time when so many of us need the most support is also a time those around us find so hard to deal with. Death affects everyone at some time, yet we are so bad at talking about it.
I know that the people in the HS community are not afraid of talking about death and the void it can leave in life, so if you ever want to talk, we’re here. It feels insufficient saying that we’re here for you, but I do mean it.
Take care. x
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Man - you describe this so well. It’s so hard to feel like you experience loss - shouldn’t that be enough? But then you have all of the finessed pockets of pain…feeling forgotten in your pain, feeling like your brother has been forgotten, feeling like your pain causes people to feel uncomfortable (like they can’t just hold space for you, your pain becomes about them), so then you want to be silent, but you’re already dealing with carrying your brother’s silence, so it makes you want to speak, but when you do you get hurt, and it just makes it all worse - it’s a knot that feels like it can’t be untied.