I’m a person with severe health anxiety. I mean like not sleeping for days on end because I feel like I’ll die in my sleep health anxiety. And having panic attacks so bad that I’m crumpled up on the bathroom floor because my stomach hurts so bad from the anxiety. So… yeah it’s really bad. But I actually am having a tangible health issue recently and it’s concerning.
About a month ago I noticed that one of the lymph nodes in my neck was swelling. I was already having an anxious night due to some allergies making me sick, so I just brushed it off as swelling from allergens and left it. However, it didn’t stop. It stayed swollen for 2 weeks. But my parents aren’t so good about taking me to the doctor when I feel that I need to so I decided to wait another two weeks. It still hasn’t stopped.
Not only that but I’ve lost some weight, and I’m almost always tired. I’m getting sick and I’m scared. I’m scared this is a worst-case scenario (which in my world, would be cancer). And I’m not scared of that because of the possibility of death, I’m actually scared of that because of the treatments. I know treatments for that suck.
And I keep trying to say “this is my health anxiety, there isn’t an actual problem” but the thing is that… there is a problem. There’s a big problem. I’m really sick and it’s getting worse and worse the more I wait. I asked my mother to make an appointment as soon as possible, and I think she made one today so if she did that means I’ll get an appointment soon ad I’ll be in to see my doctor. He’s a good doctor. He’s already saved my life once before so… either he’ll tell me what’s wrong isn’t too big of a deal, or he’ll save my life once again.
And I hate medical stuff. I hate it because I almost died from yersinia pestis (aka, the plague) as a kid. I was in and out of hospitals all the time. It was constant chronic pain and it hurt all the time. I would end up sobbing in school from the pain. I don’t want to be in pain like that again but I’m scared that I might be.
Hopefully there’s nothing truly wrong, but, if there is, I’ll probably write about it here. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m scared this is a really bad thing and there’s actual evidence it is.