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This is just a jumbled up mixture of my feelings

God i dont know where to start here… This literally originated with me goggling how to commit suicide easiest… My life isnt the worst on the outside… but im an outcast, i have friends family… but im a pest, nothing more than a bother to everyone whom ive ever spoken to… Im 31, so ive lived quite some time just to understand how much of my existance ive wasted doing the nothing ive ever accomplished… The only thing that can be said or even describe me is the Fat Guy… My size has destroyed any hope of self confidence ill ever have, yet somewhere in my dark psyche I love myself… Im the only one who ever will and it sucks to know that… I know im going to die alone and i wake up everyday knowing that the nightmares of last night are the echoes of today ( when i do dream its of my death and the fact noone exists to bury, or even mourn at the hospital…)

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you’re not alone, you will find someone to love you. your size doesn’t determine your worth, you are still attractive. some people will be rude and ignorant, but you just have to find good groups of people who won’t do that to you. it’s never too late to find people or do something different with your life. you didn’t waste your life, all you did was live your own, and that’s okay. you still have time, time to heal, time to love yourself, and time to do something different💙

It also doesnt help im afraid of social interaction… Ive been so belittled by myself mentally that im a fat waste, that theres no end of the projections that i believe others feel… So in order to stop myself from suffering more, i just avoid interaction at all costs…

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Hi Echo,

I just saw and replied to your comment on another post. I want to reach out to you again because your post really hit me hard and I want you to know that someone cares. I’d like to extend my friendship to you. You do not have to be alone.

You deserve love and friendship as much as next person and to be surrounded by people who remind you of this. I know you may struggle but I just wanted you to know how important you are.

I struggle with suicidal ideation often. It’s always a battle to push through it. I struggle with self worth and self love. Heart Support has given me a place to turn to when I am hurting and given me the opportunity to help others.

If you are interested in connecting and getting to know each other, please, message me. You don’t have to live or die alone my friend. And most importantly you don’t have to go so soon! Please, reach out if you need a friend. You don’t have to go the path of suicide.

I struggle with social interaction as well. Both due to anxiety and due to fear. It’s been so hard to push myself to reach out. And I’m sorry that you live in that same fear and anxiety. That you distance from people. You don’t have to do that here.

My name is Kitty. I’m 34. I am a high functioning autistic. I have a variety of mental and physical health issues. I am home and alone a lot due to my health issues, crippling anxiety and agoraphobia. I spend a lot of my days doing art to distract from my depression and suicidal thoughts. Heart Support has become one of my passions and my loves. I struggle to meet people my age for a lot of reasons. I too am over weight. I was diagnosed with PCOS. And I’d like to be your friend.

You. Matter.

Please don’t hurt yourself. I care.

  • Kitty

i’m so sorry you went through that, maybe just reaching out through text could be a good step. i know it can be hard, but you should be proud for even posting on here.

Hey @EchoesofPain I’m really sorry to hear about your situation right now. The possibility of you getting a healthy perspective on yourself and this situation will be removed if you take your life.
Friend, there is hope, I promise that. I’ve seen people in this EXACT situation get help, and get better.
Heartsupport has some programs/books that we can connect you with for FREE if you’re willing to put in the work.

Here is a list of our resources:
ReWrite - our book all about self harm: http://amzn.to/2JJUDVl

Dwarf Planet - Workbook about Depression: http://amzn.to/2MxugzA

Mountains - Devotional by Jake Luhrs: https://www.amazon.com/Mountains-25-Devotionals-Jake-Luhrs/dp/0999154532

Also, we live stream on Twitch: http://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport

We have a great community on Discord as well: https://discord.gg/Heartsupport

Also, I would love to send you some encouragement. I love to draw and I would love to make something for you to make you smile. Who’s your favorite superhero/pokemon/videogame?