I don’t even know how to start saying this because I’m not good at opening statements, but this is something that I’ve needed to get off my chest.
About a year ago, I dated a girl I loved very much, keep in mind I am 15 and will be 16 in a few months, but she ended up breaking up with me. The reason I know is mostly my fault but that’s a different story. Anyway, we dated for six months and had sex 6 times in the second half of the relationship. I only bring this up because last weekend, I sneaked out of my house to head over to hers. It took me about 30 minutes to an hour for me to walk over there, but when I got there she sneaked me into her room and we just lied there in her bed for a little while. Keep in mind we are fully broken up and decided to just be friends after a few times of us lashing out at each other and me trying to kill myself a few time. We decided to put something on Netflix on her computer while we watched that I couldn’t keep my eyes off of her because there is a part of me that still loves her and I always will (not sure if that’s normal or not but eh) but, after a few times of me kissing her on the cheek, I started to make out with her. She said about a week before, she was feeling down and just need something “fun” to do and decided that we should have sex as a one night stand. I was there for about 2 or 3 hours and we were having sex for a third to about half the time I was there and I’m not gonna lie it was fun. I expected after a few days I would feel like shit for it but to my surprise, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t get caught and nobody knows, but I don’t like holding this in because I feel as if I need to tell someone without them saying, “You’re a fucking dumbass” or “She sounds like a slut”. She is not a slut and I know that for a fact do to previous encounters with other people.
Right now she is ignoring me and I’m not sure if she is doing it because she is upset with herself for doing that with me, or because she is in a mood and doesn’t want to talk me, or something else. I just hope that we can talk again because I really do want to be there for her and to be her friend but, I’m worried that she is going to do something stupid and it terrifies me.
Sorry for the rant but I just needed to get this off of my chest because it has been eating me up. Thank you to those who read this all the way threw, it really means a lot.
Hey friend. Why don’t you try reaching out and communicating exactly how you feel about that night. It might help both of yall. You both obviously have some sort of feelings for each other bc most of the time girls but dont have sex without emotions. Anyway, I’m here if you want to talk more.
Love
Charrabeans
She has made it clear that she has no feelings for me and I can resepct that but i know she doesnt want to talk about it because she doesnt like to talk about that sort of things so im unsure what i should do