This is my life been dealing with my divorce after

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This is my life!!! Been dealing with my divorce after 18 years for 3 years now. Still can’t move forward for some reason. She’s remarried with the guy she cheated with. Sold our home we built. Forced me to be a part time dad, only seeing my kids every other week. They are thriving together. Life “seems” amazing for her now. And I am struggling just to BE everyday! I lost my wife, my family, my home, our friends and everything I worked hard for. She took it. And she’s the one that stepped out!!! I am so angry!! I’m falling at every step. Each day brings another pain or hardship. I cry everyday over the smallest sh*t. I hate happy people. I love love…. And now seeing love stories I just get mad. I can’t see ever loving like I loved her again! I have gone black with her. No contact, no pictures, no belongings. Nothing!! But I can’t erase the memories. The songs on the radio. The vision of her in my kids faces. Or the fact that I bump into her and them on a regular basis. I’ve tried therapy, meds, everything…… and I’m still in the same space I was the day I found out. I honestly hate waking up everyday. But I do that for my kids. One is in college, the other 14. I don’t know what I’m going to do when they are both gone living their lives. I no longer anything. All my interests have just left me. I’m sick to death of loving someone with my whole being that could care less weather I was dead or alive.

[Micro]

Man, that’s such a brutal place to be in. Three years after the divorce, and it’s like you’re still stuck in this heavy fog, unable to move forward, and I get why. It does feel like losing everything. Your wife, your family, the home you built, the friends you shared. It’s like your entire world was ripped out from under you, and she’s out there, living what seems like this perfect life with the guy she cheated with. It must feel like receiving a punch in the gut every single day. The anger, the resentment, the sense of betrayal are like a constant knot in your chest that doesn’t seem to go away. It gets reactivated over and over and over again, and it’s freaking exhausting to carry such a weight with you.

I can only imagine how it feels to also only see your kids every other week, to go from being a full-time parent to part-time. It leaves you on the sidewalk, making you feel like you’re missing out on half their lives, watching from the sidelines and you’re left struggling just to make it through each day.

I see you friend. I see why you’d feel like everything’s falling apart, like every step you take just brings more pain. Crying over the small stuff makes sense when it feels like your entire world has brutally changed and you’re left alone, forced to rebuild from the pieces left. When everything feels this overwhelming, even the little things can feel intense. In a different context and through a different journey, I’ve been in a similar spot as you lately. More so: feeling like I’ve progressed, healed and built so much over the last couple of years, and something happened recently making me feel like I’m pushed directly into the same pit I’ve tried to get out of for years. The looming cloud of depression relapses is overwhelmingly present.

It’s hard to feel like for one step forward you need to gather the strength required for ten. As if life was constantly adding this pressure on you, making you feel like it’s just working against you all the time. Therapy, meds, all the things you’ve tried to help, and yet you’re still stuck in the same pain as the day it all fell apart. It feels like you’re spinning in circles with no way out. It just doesn’t make any sense and feels like forever.

I hear you when you say all your interests have left you, like you’re just a shell of who you used to be. It’s so hard to be in this transition, this pit of darkness, feeling like you’ve lost everything and there’s nothing left to hold on to. Your pain is real, and what you’re feeling makes sense. You’ve been carrying so much for so long, and I hear just how exhausted and broken you feel. Your story, your hurt… it all matters, even if it feels like the world has moved on without you. You are not alone, my friend. This hurt is not meant to be your forever. Sending much love to you.

-Marie-Anne

[Scott1]

YOU did not do anything wrong, Please stop punishing yourself. I have been there before myself having had a sigificant other cheat on me. May I kindly suggest picking up a hobby to fill the gap that you may be feeling? Learning an instrument, planting a garden, adopting a pet… it really doesnt matter; Just make a space to treat yourself with the kindness that you deserve.