This is my story

I thought I’d share a little bit about me and my story. My real name is Michael And I’m from SC, I’m 24 with 4 beautiful kids. Three girls who are 5, 4, and about to be 3. Also a 3 month old lil boy. I was always the outsider in the family since a baby. In 2001 both of my uncles took their lives in a desperate attempt to relieve themselves of the pain that was eating them alive. At the age of 6 I was greatly impacted and actually tried to follow in their footsteps not long after, but was caught by my mother. I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression really got ahold of me. They fed all these drugs to me over the next 9 years after that but nothing was working. I started to self-harm. I would beat myself in the head repeatedly with my fists, whatever was in my hands, and even floors and walls til all the pain was gone. I cut a few times but now many. I was so distant and nobody understood that this kid was hurting. Just when I kicked the meds and started feeling better and was in such a good place my grandfather passed away 3 weeks after I turned 17 and it sent me spiraling out of control. I started drinking every chance I got, I started screwing any woman I could, and just hurt people close to me with threats of ending my life. Since 2012 I was in a relationship that lasted nearly 6 years of nothing but pain. I had my heart torn out and cut up and stomped on so many times. And in December of 2017 I walked away and started my healing before I met the perfect and beautiful woman who became the mother of my 3 month old son. I’m still currently in a dark spot but I’m thankful to be light years away from where, what, and who I was a year ago. Living life for me is, and always will be standing on the ledge between life and death but never jumping because I’m afraid to hurt my loved ones. That’s really the best way of discribing what it’s like. But I am seeking help and hope to overcome my past, my present, and make a wonderful future for myself and my family. I just thought I would share my story for anyone who may not think there’s someone out there that has the same pain in their lives

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Hi mike!

Thank yo uso much for sharing your story. You might not be 100% okay, but you just taking the smallest steps to get help is really amazing. All we really have is hope. I believe that others will be able to understand and relate to your story and they won’t feel so alone. Hold fast!

Love,
Cassie

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@Mike33
Thank you for being open and sharing your story here.
I love it when people are real, and you are real.
You are loved and not alone.
You are incredibly strong and it’s amazing that you’re going after healing.

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Hey man thank you for sharing that story.

I have also been dealing with my emoitions issue and it been change for me too. I too have self abuse myself and it on going battle. But the best thing about this website there always some there to talk too. In additions it also that you trying to be a good father and a good partner. Keep on fighting, and stay positive!

Hey Mike,

Thank you for your openness!
There are always points where you do not know how to go on, but to get out of them is true strength.
And now you have reasons to live, to try the best.

You’re not alone.

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