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This is not a hate post


#1

I’m writing this post from a very odd place in my life as I’m honestly not sure why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling or how to put these thoughts and feelings into words, but I’m going to do the best I can. Call me selfish, call me dumb but I needed to get it out.

I’ve been a part of this community for over a year, under a different name, and well I’ve seen people come and go, and I’ve seen people come in go, and well I’ve come close to the core group of the community, or so I thought I was. But within the last month everything changed, and I feel as though I’ve lost everyone, and once again been abandoned. I’ve lived by this quote for a long time “it’s always the people who say that will never leave you, that end up leaving you and hurting you the most.” And well this is where I’ve found myself at within the community.

Two of the mod in the community that I used to look up to and care about a lot both have me blocked, one just on discord and one on discord and twitch. Not only is this frustrating to me, but also makes me feel not as welcome. And sure you can say oh just message them and tell them to unblock you but I can’t. Also they hold a position within the community, so it makes it even more uncomfortable to me and makes me not want to talk in streams or post in discord.

To follow up with I feel like I’ve lost the support I once had and the friends that I once had within the community. I blame myself, and maybe some of the things I said, but now anytime I try to reach out to people they just respond with “go talk to someone else, reach out to someone else, it’s your choice what you do, etc.” the encouragement and love that I once received is no longer there and it’s beyond frustrating. I often ask myself why I’m still here. And when I try to message the people explaining to them how I’m feeling and why I’m feeling this way they just ignore me. And I get it people don’t have time for me, and are busy, and have better things to do then to talk to me, but I want the old things back. The support and love I used to have, because where it’s at now it’s just hurting me more then I feel like it’s helping.

If you want to delete this post moderators you can, that’s fine. But I tried to word this the best way possible. I don’t want anyone to take offense to this at all, and if you do I’m sorry.


#2

I’m sorry friend, that you feel that way. Alot of times people disappoint us,and no one is perfect. But there’s lots of us here at heartsupport, and you can message me anytime you like.
You’re a strong beautiful person, like gold. Don’t give up, cause we need you around for a long time :slight_smile:
I believe in you, and the world belongs to you.
Hold fast <3


#3

If you feel that you’re in the wrong then why do you want things back to the way they were? Isn’t that the reason you were blocked in the first place? Another thing is you hurt people that trusted you and then you made them block you. You can’t easily regain the trust you had. You must earn it and because you hurt these people it is going to be difficult.

Another thing you hurt these people. I know you’re trying to say that you hold yourself responsible. What do you hold yourself responsible for? What did you do wrong? When I read this post it sounds like you’re blaming these people for how they treated you and they’re at fault. Not that you regret your action. Not that you’re sorry. Maybe I am wrong. I don’t want to cause drama. I think you’re asking too much from people that you clearly harmed. Am I saying leave the community? No. I am saying start over.

Not with the people that you’ve already harmed. With new members of this community. Learn from what you did wrong from those you’ve harmed and treat the new people you communicate with better than you did those you knew and counted on for support. When These people (you harmed) see how you treat the new people you help and support plus recieve from then maybe they’ll decide to return to giving you whatever support they are willing to lend. Even if they decide to totally ignore you. It won’t matter because you made new friends & have new supports.

Think hard about your regrets and what it was you did to get to this point. Think hard about the words you just used in this post. I think if you gave some thought and care at all you will find your solution to your problem. (Or don’t.)