Hey @ruinousrapture,
You are not meant to be stuck in that for your entire life. I’d say that fearing that is understandable, but it’s also your anxiety speaking right there. So, if you can just right now, take some deep breaths. Rest assured that you have been doing the right thing by reaching out here, really. I too struggle with anxiety. Like… the type of anxiety that makes me sabotage myself because, as you said, the stress that comes with many situations feels like dying. I have used those words myself to describe how it feels to others. It’s hard to wrap our head around the intensity of those fears/stress for people who don’t experience that. But I promise that you are not alone right now, even if it’s probably a very small comfort compared to the amount of overwhelm that you might feel right now.
You’ve mentioned this in your first topic:
No amount of breathing exercises, journaling, meditation, or counseling seems to help.
Honestly, meditation and such are just not for everyone, and that’s fine. To me, well-known meditation based on breathing just doesn’t help. I was recommended to try over several times, even by doctors, but they just didn’t get that it wasn’t for me. It’s not because something seem to work for many people that it’s the case for everyone. Meditating is an INCREDIBLY stressful experience when we are prone to anxiety already. Staying still, feeling defenseless and vulnerable, facing this storm of thoughts that are spiraling over and over in our head… that experience can be too brutal for many people too, and there is nothing wrong in recognizing this. I’ve personally found help through meditation when I’ve started to read a book named “Meditations for healing trauma” (by L.Davis), which actually emphasizes the struggles of starting meditation when we are restless, somehow agitated even just emotionally, and need distractions. So if really meditation is something you’re interesting in, I would suggest to look after techniques of mindfulness instead, ones that are focused on actions and activities you do, and aim you to be more present to the reality around you.
As for the counseling, may I ask what you’ve tried? What type of therapy, and what are the things in it that didn’t seem to help? There are many ways to approach counseling. The fact that it didn’t work doesn’t necessarily mean that it wouldn’t work at all for you. Identifying the reasons behind the fact it didn’t help so far could be really useful to you.
Finally, and I hope I’m not going to scare you with this question: have you ever talked about your anxiety to a regular doctor and/or a psychiatrist, to see if medications could be an option? These are not to be considered lightly of course and I’m only asking here, not telling you to do absolutely take medications. It’s just that when everything becomes really really unberable, they can act as a crutch to you, which can help you to do the things you wouldn’t do because of your anxiety, and actually see that you can do them. It’s yet another way to help reframe your mind progressively and to practice exposure in a safe way.
Anxiety and panic attacks suck. They really do and I’m so sorry you’re struggling with this. It’s not a fatality though. It’s all about learning to cope and manage our anxiety to a level that is bearable. I have no doubt that you’ve been really trying a lot. It’s okay if your strategies need to be changed though. Again, not everything is for everyone, and seeking what works for you is always worth it. 
