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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Ohne Dich by Rammstein
This song is the song I associate with the passing of my fiancé. She died 22 years ago. I have never married. Life had been impossible since. I am planning on joining her this year.
Hey my friend. Thank you so much for posting this and for being so vulnerable with something so personal to you. And I am beyond sorry to hear of the loss of your fiance.
I’m even more sorry to hear that her passing has kept you in what reads like a point of stasis for so long. That sounds like an impossible situation to be in. And I don’t blame you at all for how you feel.
I can’t say that I would feel totally different given the circumstances. I imagine carrying the grief and weight around. A pit in my stomach that grows hungrier each day until it’s fed off of everything.
You mention planning on joining her this year. It would be tone deaf to say “life is worth living” or “you should stay” knowing even just some of what you’ve gone through. I’ve been on the same ledge you’re on before. Just in different circumstances. Different reasons. And what I really wanted, in those moments, was just a solution. A fast one. An easy one. A way out of the cycle that I was trapped in.
I’m glad that I never wrung the rope between my hands tight enough. I wouldn’t be able to be here in this moment with you. Hearing you. Dipping my feet into the frigid waters you’re wading in. For that, Im thankful.
I don’t think you should go. I think that there’s a chance that there is some way for you to continue, here, and heal. Help. Grow. That’s the belief I have anyway. Though I know it may not feel that way at all.
And I understand that. I would love if you had time to reply. To chat. Or if you had time to post here to keep us up to date on your life.And I hope you’re safe.
Thank you for the opportunity for connection. Hold fast, friend.
@@HeartSupport Thank you so very much for your understanding and kindness.
I have checked myself into an intensive grief programme at a private psych hospital, as an outpatient.
I don’t believe it will change my trajectory, but I am going to try. If my spirit improves, that would be great, but I have been here for two decades, so I am sanguine about the prospects.