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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Save Me by Jelly Roll
This song relates totally to me. I have lost so many family members in the last 3 years, first my dad then my husband then my mom then 4 people I went to school with. This is how it went dad on may 28 , 2020 the husband January 24, 2021 then mom on Feb 17th 2021 then people I went to school with on March 19 2021. Then my older sister on November 21, 2023. So sad every single day. That at times I feel like I don’t belong here anymore.
Sending so much love to you friend. It must have been absolutely heart-shattering to navigate the last couple of years, to basically just survive through all of these losses. Nothing could have prepared you for losing so many people you love dearly in such a short amount of time. These three years must have felt like such a brutal storm sent your way with absolute no end in sight. At some point, it forces to you feel as if it’s just never going to stop. It makes you wonder not if there is going to be another loss to come, but when it is going to happen.
To share life with people you love, then having to say goodbye to them one by one is one of the most brutal experience to know. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for you to experience this over and over. It makes me think of this imagine of someone running a relay course, but the relays just never keep on coming at you so you have to keep running over and over. Once you think you’ve reached a step to pause and rest, there is someone else coming at you, giving you the relay you need to keep on carrying. Just this sensation of being forced ot be in movement all the time while after losing someone you love the very first thing you need is time and space to feel what needs to be felt. With this succession of losses, it’s like your very right to grieve was constantly being taken away from you. There’s not enough time for your mind and body to process what happened. You’re carried forcefully through the motions of life and the adversity it keeps throwing at you, again and again and again…
It must feel so very lonely to be now in 2024 and looking back to all that happened in just a couple of years. To feel like not so long ago the people you love the most were present with you, and that you are now forced to compose with their absence. Having lost several people I love during the last couple of years, it’s definitely brought an intense sense of isolation deep inside. My heart truly goes out to you as you are trying to catch your breath slowly. Yes, when you have lost people you love, it does feel at times like you wouldn’t belong anymore. And it’s so important to say it, just like you did here. It might feel useless most of the time, but sharing how you feel, naming it and making sure that safe people are there to listen can be such a huge crutch during times of utter loss and isolation. It doesn’t heal, but it helps to keep on going, to keep on giving ourselves the time we need to find ourselves again after losing so much of our own heart, of our own world.
Thank you so much for being here, friend. For sharing about your family and friends, and about what’s going on inside of your heart. You matter so much. Your voice is so important.