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Belongs to: Therapist is Breaking the Habit by Linkin Park
This song will forever resonate with me. I have a terrible tendency of letting my mind lock in on previous experiences that completely drown out everything that is needed for focusing due to those trauma’s. Thinking back even more on Linkin Park with the album: Hybrid Theory, there is a song called Papercut that really digs a little bit deeper into what’s happening underneath this skin of mine. Every day here lately my battles have really been getting hooked by negative past experiences that really put a deep cut in me, and I just want this mess to go away so I can get back on track with making life better for myself. I’m tired of struggling.
Our past traumas and pain can certainly stick around longer than we’d like. I understand that deeply. Have you considered looking at it from a different perspective? Just think! You’re still here! You made it through those painful moments and came out the other side. Our past will always be part of us, but framing it as part of what made you stronger is not only a different perspective, it’s the absolute truth! You’re here, and that is a testament to your strength and resilience.
Breaking the Habit is one of my favorite go-to songs when I am feeling strong and I’m ready to burst out of myself. The fact that you were listening to that song speaks volumes to me and tells me you WANT to feel better, but you may feel stuck inside your head with those overwhelming thoughts that keep reminding you of those traumas that caused the scars to begin with. It’s hard to not focus on those thoughts.
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for or why I have to scream
I don’t know why I instigate and say what I don’t mean
I don’t know how I got this way, I’ll never be alright
So I’m breaking the habit tonight
Keep this in mind: Thoughts are not things. And our brains are liars. The pain is absolutely for real, but the thoughts are not.
This is your fight song. You are worth fighting for.
Hey, I just want to say that I feel you on this. Isn’t it so crazy how our mind can just get thrown into the grasp of another thought so easily? We try so hard to focus, but seemingly no matter how hard we try to narrow that focus, if our mind decides to dig up one of those past traumas, our focus is shot. We try so hard to overcome the trauma and we think we’ve buried it for good, just to get locked in on it once again after we dig it out of its shallow grave. It can be so defeating to loop back on our past over and over, leaving us feeling like we’re stuck in a spiral of memories we desperately want to escape. This is my spiral with a past relationship of mine. Most of the time I feel like I’ve grieved fully, but then randomly, my mind will dig up certain memories that I try so hard to forget and put them on replay. I feel your pain and I know how hard it is when our brain locks in on these moments.
Papercut describes it perfectly-
“it’s like, I’m paranoid, lookin’ over my back
It’s like a whirlwind inside of my head
It’s like, I can’t stop what I’m hearing within”
But I think it’s summed up well in this line from the song-
“The face inside is right beneath your skin”
Even when it feels like we’ve lost all control and that we can’t focus on anything we try, we know that this part of ourselves lies just beneath our skin. It is a faction of us, and it is not bigger than us. We are stronger, more powerful, and greater than that voice inside our head that tells us that our past traumas are more worthy of our time than our present joys. Our traumas cannot control us and they do not have the power to change us- they merely lie beneath our skin.
I wholeheartedly believe that you were not put here on this earth just to struggle. I know that you are going to be able to move beyond these harsh past traumas to unveil the glorious life that is laid out before you. Sometimes the struggle is fierce and it takes a lot of trudging through the darkness until we find the light, but I know that the light is there, somewhere, on the path ahead of you, and I encourage you to keep on striding fiercely through the darkness on your way to the light. If you ever need anything else, we are here for you. Holdfast- we believe in you.