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I know I’m not alone but This is definitely pretty personal, then again so was my last text on here. So here it goes… I’m an addict

I’m addicted to pornography not crack or anything like that but at this point it seems like the same thing. Porn is like heroin for me and it needs to stop. I could care less about watching it I just love the release of dopamine I get afterwards. I feel like a god afterwards, for maybe for 30 seconds to a minute.

Normally I wouldn’t be sharing this with anyone especially with random strangers but I’m at a loss right now. I’m an artist who draws all the time or at least tries to. It was the number 1 thing that excited me. The thrill to create something from nothing, just a blank piece of paper. Now it’s not even satisfying and it’s not becasue I’m sick of doing it. Starting to think the reason is because of this porn addiction thing. Maybe it was healthy once upon a time but for me it is far from ok.

My question it how do I stop this? I tried putting a blocker on my phone, ipad and computer but I find ways to get around that or just easily turn off the blocker when I’m in need of a huge release of dopamine. I feel like woman aren’t as appealing to me either and I know that isn’t right. At this point I’m thinking it’s over, I really messed up this time and am not able to get out of this hole I’m in, just sinking in deeper and deeper. I’ve relapsed so many times I’ve lost track.

It’s like I’m trying to chase something that doesn’t exist in the first place. If anyone has any recommendations I’m willing to try anything. Please give me some solutions

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Hi @Zootown,

First of all: thank you for sharing this and being here. It takes a lot of courage to admit an addiction. It’s highly intimate and we can feel vulnerable to share about this. But you are here, you managed to do it, so: thank you! :two_hearts:

I personnaly don’t struggle with porn addiction, but I guess there are mechanisms behind that are common with other ones. I hope you will receive some insights here, as there are people in this community who also struggle with this. You’re definitely not alone to go through this and there are ways to overcome it.

Staying alone while battling with an addiction can be really hard. You just took a very important step by coming here. As you didn’t mention it, I’d like to encourage you to see if there are support groups near where you live (12-steps group for example). Meeting other people who are dealing with the same difficulties, without being judged, can be of a great help. Also, if it’s something you could afford, consider giving a try to therapy/counseling. HS has a partnership to get a free-week access to beterhelp.com, which is a platform where you can receive online counseling from professionals, so maybe it could be worth to check on it.

Putting a blocker sounds to be a really great idea. But it can be easily turned off. I don’t know which one you use, but there are strong blockers which works with a password (for example blockers that where created to limit distractions and improve your productivity, such as LeechBlock, etc.). Maybe you could ask someone to set the password so you don’t know what it is, or maybe you could set a random password so you don’t even know what it is. Also, it could sound a bit radical to do that… but leaving your ipad to someone else, even temporarily, could be something to consider, such as changing your phone for one without internet on it (can seem impossible but it’s really not :wink: ).

Changing your environment to help you in the first moments can be needed, and, at the same time, working on the addiction itself is important. Right now you’re here, you’re reaching out, and it’s a victory that has to be ackwnoledged. Every victory, even the ones you would consider as being small, are important in a process of getting out of an addiction.

I’d like to invite you to join our Discord: https://discord.gg/fXpqrM
There is a “real-talk” room where you can open up about what is going on your life, and, hopefully, receive direct replies about this topic. :heart: There are also rooms to share about those small successes, what you appreciate or even what you create! (no obligation at all, I just got pretty curious when you said you draw a lot :heart_eyes:)

You can also join us on Twitch when HS channel is live on weekdays! You can receive more informations there: https://www.twitch.tv/heartsupport There are serious talks there and it could be the occasion for you to receive concrete advices or, at least, encouragment from this community. :wink:

Finally, I’d like to finish this message with sharing a video in which a member of HeartSupport community shares about his personal story with video games and porn addiction: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMnmyIyuuFs&feature=youtu.be

I’m sorry if I’m not really helpful as I can’t really give you concrete advices concerning this. But at least I wanted you to know that you are not alone friend. And you matter.

Hold fast. :heart:

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Hey, I’m sorry that you’re going through this. I want to share a video that might help you https://youtu.be/EoA9aEZulrM

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This is why i cant join these forums i just start crying uncontrollably when i read the posts.

Hey @Micro thanks for just replying to this message. I’d love to join your guy’s discord but that invitation unfortunately expired. If I could get that at again it would be much appreciated.

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@Zootown
Sure! Sorry for this.

https://discord.gg/xZYSav or discord.gg/heartsupport

:blue_heart:

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Honesty and seeking help is a very good start