This will not be interesting I am sorry

I am getting pretty desperate for help and support with my depression and self harm. It seems several times a day I reach out and try to talk about how I’m feeling but one way or another I always come out of it feeling worse.
It can be because people don’t have time to listen or aren’t interested or they make it about themselves.
I can also see that people get frustrated when I continue to be negative no matter what they say.
I don’t really know what to do at this point. I’ve done all the things that you’re supposed to do to help with depression and it keeps getting worse. I’m tired of defending myself to people, I’m tired of being rejected and ignored, I’m tired of being so scared of rejection and then pushing past it and getting the most feared outcome anyways, over and over again.

This is boring. Depression is boring. Everyone’s depression sounds the same.

Thanks for enduring my boringness.

I personally don’t find your story boring… fascinating rather. What are some of the things that trigger your depression?

I have been under a lot of pressure at work for a very long time. And now that I’m thinking about it, a lot of really upsetting things have happened over the last 10 months. I was attacked violently by a stranger in November. A friend died from alcohol abuse in January. And at work I support kids who are going through trauma. There has been a lot of violence there. Many kids have gotten in fist fights, many are self harming, and one person attempted suicide. There were two shootings this year at schools near ours. I don’t really feel like I have any support. I provide support for a lot of people but I feel like I don’t have anyone I can go to when I need help. I am surrounded by people who just keep acting like all of this is normal. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me.

So some of the key ingredients I am seeing here are:
1 - You are surrounded by pain, suffering, and trauma
2 - You don’t like that folks are numb to the above
3 - You don’t have a mentor or support from someone.
4 - Your immediate past has been extremely troubling have left long lasting scars.

So, I would never think to put myself in your shoes and tell you how the world works from your perspective. Rather I would speak on my own experience.

So I have been in toxic work environments. I have had supervisors of old commit suicide. I get the trauma, probably more than most, from being in war torn environments where people are literally trying to kill me. ALL of these experiences have tested me. To which I would share the following four learning experiences as they relate to the aforementioned (respectively).

1 - It was important to me to remember that other people’s pain, although I can be empathetic towards the person - incident - feeling, I need NOT to own or carry their issues. A beacon of hope and inspiration was my goal which is all that I could provide. Carrying someone else’s baggage kept me from lifting them up when they needed it.

2 - I know that people handle all situations differently. I oftentimes will get frustrated that they do not respond how I might. But that is unfair to put my own perception and bias on someone else. Everyone is different and I need to accept how they may handling their own opinions and lives. I don’t let it bother me.

3 - Mentorship comes in MANY forms. I don’t really have people that can pour into me and fill me up. I rely on reading, listening to Simon SInek or John C. Maxwell. I also believe in God who, in my opinion, is the greatest mentor and example to follow.

4 - What has happened in the past for me has happened for a reason. I have my own experiences which has made me who I am today. I don’t regret those trials and tribulations. Rather, I stand on them! I know that without the hard times I can’t truly enjoy the good ones. Perspective is everything.

Just my own thoughts and experiences.

Keep in touch!

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I hope you can find support here @murakamiears. I agree with you, I don’t think any of these things you said are normal. It seems that nowadays people are stuck in a perception of life that doesn’t get the state of how things really are. I believe social media like Facebook and Instagram makes us lose the real impression, or sentiment, about an event, be it good or bad. We see so many things, images, information, reports and news, that our brain doesn’t recognize what is really bad, or really good. Sometimes when I talk to people, I feel that they are just listening or seeing one more update in my Facebook page. Their react are so superficial, it seems they are just hitting the “like button” under my post.

We must find a way to keep it real. The world is going to a point that nothing is more important than the “ego” (self). Let’s fight to keep things real, let’s fight to really share happiness and sadness with other people, because both feelings are important and we must understand, give and receive those as something that really comes from our hearts. There is nothing boring about the things you said. Being alive is not boring, can be hard, it’s true, but not boring. And for the hard parts of life, send a message here, I will try to respond you.

(English is not my mother tongue, I am sorry for any mistake, I hope I had been understandable)