Thoughts on suicide

HeartSupport Support
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In dark place again, it was my aunt wake today and her funeral tomorrow. My ex friend, she not there support me. She does not care about my pain.

I want to go back on Instagram again, to post my suicide , tell the world she was is the reason. Tell her name to whole world she is the reason why I end my life. I want people to hate her, I want her boyfriend to break up with her. I want to make her homeless. I want to make her suffer, I was make her pay back for the lies she told me . I want make her feel like shit the way she treated me. I was her in pain.

I hate when people say she does not care about you, it was all a fucking lie. Every romantic contact for women I love, was a fucking lie. Why can’t they just leave me alone. Why the fuck do they hurt me.

She is the reason why, that will end my life someday

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Hi Friend,
thank you so much for sharing.
heartbreaks often are the most difficult and hardest things to overcome. when our heart takes over, all logic
is put aside. all normal thinkings or thoughts stand in line, behind our feelings and emotions.
the pain feels harder and endless.

do not let it come thus far. do not throw your life away because of one person. you can be so much more
than that. i can imagine how you suffer a bit. i was going through a breakup after a eight year relationship.
i was thinking, will i overcome this ? will i ever be able to love or feel loved ?
it takes time. it takes courage and strength. but you are here now. you let all your thoughts out and you do
great so far.

imagine how a person feels, when you post something, that you have overcome this, that you are happy like
never before, without that person. that you become satisfied and happy. when that person realizes how much
she missed on you, will miss with you, that will be more.

don’t make people hate someone. do not let anger and hate take over.
make people love you ! you can do that. treat others like you want to be treated. hate can only be fougth with
love, kindness and understanding. a world full of hate would only last for a few seconds, then we all would
suffer even more.

people will always lie for selfish reasons, people will always be bad for selfish reasons, for bullshit reasons.
be better than that.

she may be not care, but i care about your pain. and i take my time to answer here. that is also a kind of love.
i am here, because i want to be here. i am here now because of you. i am here because i want to be someone
that spread some of the values, that i stick to. that i live for. i am here because i care about you.
life is often a shitload of bad things, life is so unfair to all of us. life is the hardest game there is. life is nothing
where you can restart and do it again. life has consequences. life has chances. life has the weirdest
obstacles thrown at us, harder than mario kart and more slippery than bananas. life makes us fall over our
own legs. in my case more often that i would like to. life has a bunch of idiots to much out there, egoistic
people that don’t care what others feel or do. life has more then that. life is our only chance to live . . . . .
life is full of love and kindness. life is full of light. life is wearing a kilt on a windy day without undies.
life is a choice for all of us, life is for you my friend.
you are one step away to make your life better, you are one step closer to that. you have done so great over
the last weeks. don’t let anger and hate take over. go out there, face the sun and smile. be a light for others.
you can. you absolutely can. just remember that when you show some kindness and love, you will get that
in return. notice that in little things. show someone a smile and wish them a wonderful day. hold the door open
to a muscle guy at the gym and greet him friendly. show the world that there is beauty and blooming there.
you are loved, you matter most ! you are worth more of that all, you deserve all the good things in this world :purple_heart:
feel hugged and have a wonderful day

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I’m sorry you’re back in that dark place. I actually had a dream about you this morning. In it, the three of us were talking - she, you and me, and suddenly, she announced she was moving away. You began talking to her with the assumption that you’d stay in touch with each other, and she said something like, “no, that’s not going to happen.” At that moment, I could feel your devastation, but felt helpless to do anything about it. The dream ended at that point. The only other thing about it was I got a sense that she felt she had to leave in order to attain a desperately needed and sought after sense of freedom. She seemed a bit nervous too.

It’s commonly talked about that guys are afraid of commitment, but I think it’s more accurate to say it has to do with emotional involvement/expectations. So, maybe she just experienced what a lot of guys do - things getting too intense. A dream is a dream, and may be meaningless, but sometimes it’s just one part of the mind talking to another, introducing it to possibilities that may not be consciously considered.

Again, I’m sorry you’re in a dark place. Please stop resisting the light. There’s a light place within you too.

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I’m sorry about the loss of your aunt. I know how important my aunt is in my life and I can’t imagine life without her.

Your pain is real, and those thoughts can start to feel like they’re reasonable. That they’ll lead to the end of pain. I put myself in a place where I tried to rid myself of that pain too. I can tell you that in that moment I wished that I didn’t do that. I wished I could take it all back. I wonder how many people feel the same, but don’t get the chance like I have to experience life at the end.
That lonely and dark place isn’t anyone’s friend.
If there’s one thing I know, it’s this, there are people who love you and there will be people you haven’t met yet who will love you. I know this person has caused such deep heartache for you.
Your life is too important to be spent on hurt.

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i’ve also gave up long time ago on believeing that kind hearted women exist at all like i’m not even expecting anymore. i’ve experienced that women only know how to recieve and never to give but i also know that i’ve lived my whole life terribly lonely in isolation and i can’t keep up single because it’s just too painful to go through this life all alone so i’m just assuming that by a chance that kind of person might exist and help me heal one day

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I am so sorry for your loss. I’m hoping that your family heals, and that you can use her wake and funeral as a time of love and remembrance towards your aunt. This is a time for you and your family, not your ex friend. Just remember that.

However, it’s not that she doesn’t care or doesn’t want to support you-- she can see how strained your guys’ friendship is. How toxic it’s becoming. From the last post I saw from you, it said she thought she needed more time before you guys contacted each other? It could be herself too, that needs healing from something. Whether it’s your guys’ conflict, or something else internally she’s struggling with that she can’t speak about. I realize that this situation has left a drastic amount of emotional turmoil for you, and these times apart just make things feel worse and worse-- but you should give it the benefit of the doubt.

Correct me if I’m mistaken, but it sounds like here, that you’re placing a lot of the blame from these countless women on this sole girl. Like a domino effect. I am not aware of how much she has contributed, it sounds like this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, as they say. I feel like she does care, but as I said, your guys’ relationship (whether platonic or romantic) has become strained. If you wish for any kind of reconnection, having these vindictive thoughts:

I realize your pain and hurt. I’ve felt this way with others before. But I’ll be honest, if you feel this strongly about her in a negative way-- then at this moment, it’s better you both are apart. I’m wondering, are you seeing a professional at all during these troubling times? Even just contacting a crisis line, or a relationships line like https://www.loveisrespect.org/ ? They may be able to give you some solid advice to help move past these negative feelings you’re having.

Since it’s been a while, how have you been coping in these troubling times? Are you still pursuing your interests and hobbies? I’m hoping with your loss, you and your family are spending quality time together. Sounds like you and your family definitely need each other to lean on.

Please feel free to keep us updated, and take care hun. Hoping all goes well for you.

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