I am lonely. I do not have the close friendships my parents think I do. I am worth very very little. My time, talents, and treasure were of limited use, but even they have been squandered. I do not enjoy the company of others, yet I still desire it after long periods of time alone, only to regret pursuing it after the conclusion of my time spent with others. I would like to find companionship, but I have not the appearance, charisma, or financial means to do so. I am sickly, unhealthy, and mentally unstable. I have no genuinely redeeming qualities other than a bare modicum of articulated language. My family does not pursue time with me, and gently rebuffs any attempt on my end. I have little to no empathy. I must emulate it or I encounter significant road blocks to basic interactions. I wish I was empathetic, but I can only mimic it for the sake of others. I contribute nothing of genuine value to those around me. My self discipline is limited to keeping myself alive and area I dwell in order. My interests are all solitary, and shared by very few. I dare not pursue a romantic relationship as it would not be culturally appropriate or well looked upon for me to do so. And for good reason, I am not ambitious, I am not the type of person the type of person I would like to marry would marry. I am, a failure. I have failed at the great trial that is life. I would not bind another to me, nor would I wish someone to be bound to someone like me. I deserve what I am reaping. I have sowed for it. All fault lies on me. I must leave the last remaining people who care for me. I do not care for them in the same way, and that is not fair to them. I deserve my loneliness.
Hi Friend Welcome to HeartSupport and thank you for sharing your thoughts, it takes a lot of courage. You know it is really difficult when a person has such low self worth to try to show them that they are mistaken.
Thats a huge admission and something straight up that can be worked on, I truly believe that everything else stems from those three words as far as how you feel about yourself. Why can you not tell your parents of your situation, you say they do not persue time with you, is that because they think you are out with friends? how would it be to sit and talk to them and explain that right now you need that extra support? is it possible that they then could find time to spend with you? I myself spend 95% of my time alone so I can relate to a degree, being here has helped a great deal with that as I am not great with people so the online interactions work better. I completely understand the regret after periods of time with others although regret is a strong word, I find people exhausting and they cause anxiety for me myself.
I am so saddened by the way you feel about youself and my first thought when reading this was who needs enemies when you have your own opinion. You sound to me exactly what you said at the beginning lonely, I think that causes sadness, feelings of hurt, being let down, that the reason people dont bother is because you dont deserve the bother and it builds up but none of that is true.
I would love to see you reach out for some talk therapy to work on you self esteem. There is nothing about you that you have said that makes you less worthy or deserving than anyone else all it does is says you need help and support and you can get that, you can get friendship, love, encouragement and support right here and if you can find a therapist you can get help that way too. You are not a failure and the reason I know that is because today you made the first step in writing these thoughts down. You deserve friendship, you deserve love, you deserve happiness and nothing you have done or not done says any differently. I would love you to become a part of this community, we have twitch streams and a discord channel where you can get to know people and when it all gets too much you can switch off. I think you have punished yourself enough now lets us help you to learn to treat yourself with the kindness you need.
Again thank you for writing this friend
Lisa. 
Loneliness and introversion can be a difficult combination. Introverts are usually quite introspective, which usually leads to greater sensitivity and having less in common with more extroverted people. That could explain why you may regret spending time with them.
The other problems you describe seem to stem from depression. Emotional numbness is a symptom of depression, and it interferes with charisma and empathy. It also causes a lack of confidence, which I suspect has convinced you that you have little to offer others.
You may have heard the story about two teachers who taught the same group of students during different semesters. One teacher was told the class was full of very bright and cooperative students. The teacher and students got along well, and had a very successful semester. The other teacher somehow got the idea that the class was full of troublemakers and low achievers. The teacher and students did not get along well, and the grade-point average of the class went way down.
Essentially, for a while, the class was labeled as a good class. The result was a positive experience for the class and the teacher. Then the label was switched and the teacher anticipated a negative experience with the class, and that’s exactly what happened.
Similarly, when a person labels them self negatively, using words such as “failure,” “unstable,” or not ambitious, etc., it’s nearly impossible to rise above those negative labels. In other words, such labels programs the mind and subconscious to fulfill those negative expectations, therefore the person continues to “prove” that such self disparaging assessment is accurate.
You are not alone. A huge portion of society deals with negative self perception and self defeating thought patterns. The problem eats away at us like a social cancer. As far as I can tell, the only way to get rid of it is to stop feeding it. It thrives on negativity. Self-directed compassion and truth, stops it from thriving.
It sounds like you have I very long-standing habit of saying discouraging things about yourself to yourself. I doubt that you would ever say such negative things about someone else. You are acting out the role of a failure, but that’s definitely not who you are. Empathy towards others is beyond reach as long as you don’t feel empathy for yourself. Practicing compassionate assessment of self enables you to view others in the same way.
I really think you need to spend time with a therapist or counselor who can help you find freedom from habitual patterns of thought that are making you suffer.
Hi Only1here,
thank you a lot for sharing, and welcome to Heart Support.
lot of people, lot of people here can relate to loneliness, myself included. there is a huge difference between
being alone, and being lonely. for myself i spend time alone a lot, i need my time alone. but in the last years
all this time led to loneliness. we are all trapped in this circle called life. but also we only have one.
when i look back on my last years, with all my issues coming together this year, i regret a lot of things. i regret
not knowing earlier all that i learned that year. i regret not doing something against that. i hate myself for that.
i am not the biggest extrovert out there, what i learned is, when you spend time with the right people, that time
spend is worth more than everything else. if only for a walk, a coffee, a little chat or something. that time can
give you more energy than anything else sometimes. to speak to people online is often easier then in person
for me. most of the people annoy me pretty quick. to much to write down now.
look at yourself, and what brought you here. you are aware of so many things right now. i am sorry to hear
about how you feel about yourself. society always puts stamps on how a person should work, should be.
your trial is here right in front of you. your journey is here, now and not yesterday.
is there something you could get support from ? a therapy or a self help group in your area ? i would also
recommend an Action Group of our community to work on little goals towards yourself.
you are not failure. erase that word. there is learning in life. you go on , or you learn. but you process in either
way. you progress in either way. when you don’t do a step upwards, then go straight for a time. also a step
back to look at yourself, helps you to overcome another step. the right people will notice that in yourself.
you are beautiful the way you are my friend. your friends spend time with you because of you.
you deserve so much more, all the good things life has to offer. there is so much beauty out there, like you.
you are worth of all of that, because you matter ! to us, to me and the people who love you.
you are loved, by us all and the people around yourself. you matter most my friend.
little steps often matter the most. feel hugged 
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