Three things

two things i want to say. first off, i decided that if i’m gonna feel depressed about things then i’d rather just pile it all on at once, so i decided to tell my friend that i’ve liked him for a year and i knew he didn’t like me and that it was completely unrealistic and impossible but it still kind of hurt to be rejected. i feel like my feelings towards him just grew more intense afterwards and i hate it. i just want them gone. i want to love him as my friend, nothing more. i’m glad he’s acting pretty normal around me still. he kind of just laughed it off which i appreciate but also kind of hate cause I HAD QUESTIONS!! but it’s okay. my issue is that i’m either in love with him or just infatuated by him and the fact that i can’t have him. i still want to get rid of it either way. i treasure my friendship with him very dearly and would not like to possibly ruin it any further. which i already feel like i have just by telling him that i like him and i feel extremely guilty over. HOW DO I GET RID OF THESE FEELINGS?? i talk to him everyday which probably doesn’t help but i cant distance myself from him. so how?

second thing. i never got to say what i wanted to say to my mom. i never got to ask why i always felt like the last choice and so unloved. one of her pins on her phone was the year i was born. i almost started crying when i saw that. it’s not fair. i still needed to get the courage to talk to her. i never even told her i love her. now she’s dead… i feel so guilty. i hate myself so much.

oh and a third thing. i only ever feel irrationally angry, empty, or sometimes sad. it’s just mainly anger and emptiness now. i give up


It was courageous to tell your friend how you feel about him. Now, your friendship can be honest, even if it’s not the relationship you hoped for. Are the feelings that you have for him the problem, or is it the frustration of knowing he doesn’t feel the same way? That may sound like a silly question, but it’s not a bad idea to have such feelings sorted. It’s possible to love someone forever, and be at peace with the reality that there will never be a romance. Feelings of love are not damaging. Dwelling on a sense of deprivation because romance hasn’t taken place is what really hurts.

The feelings to get rid of is the self torment and frustration you are experiencing, not the love. Friendship can include love that supports each other’s fulfillment, even if romance is not an option. I don’t know how to get rid of physical attraction, but over time, the associated urgency diminishes.

I had problems with my dad, and he passed away without my being able to spend time with him at the end. He damaged me emotionally, and abandoned me. I also felt unloved, and unworthy of love. Later, he apologized, but I had difficulty accepting it. Had I been able to, I would’ve told him that I appreciated his apology even though I had hard time with it. I would have tried to relieve his guilt by letting him know that I turned out all right.

Hospice experience has taught me that loved ones and family rarely feel as though they have said all they wanted to at the end. It’s hard to feel as though a timely closure has taken place when what you really want to do is keep on talking to the person. I did encourage people to keep on talking to the deceased as long as they wanted.

For whatever reason, our parents didn’t make us feel loved, yet in whatever form it took, they did love us. I’m sure your mom felt your love, even if things were rocky at the end. There is no reason to feel guilty. I’m pretty sure that your mom would want you to feel loved instead.

When someone close has passed away, feeling empty is understandable, so is anger. Writing your feelings down as you have done here can be helpful. What would you think about writing a letter to your mom? I think it might help you better understand your feelings.

If you feel like giving up, it’s okay to do so for a while, but it doesn’t need to be a forever thing. “Letting go” of all troubling issues for a little while, can help a person think more clearly. Then taking on one issue at a time, can make things easier.

I hope you check back in with us as often as you feel the need. This is where you can find compassion and encouragement.


I can relate to what you are saying about your mom. Although I had a very good relationship with my mom at the time of her passing, there were a few years prior I felt guilty about “wasting” by being a rebellious teenager. When I first started struggling with depression I felt no one understood me, including my mom and I can remember making her cry because I wouldn’t open up to her. I hated myself for that. You’re always going to feel that you had so much more to say to someone after they pass, it’s only natural. I don’t know what your beliefs are but I still talk to my mom sometimes as though shes here. I also agree that writing a letter may be helpful for that sort of thing, even if you know there won’t be a response. It helps to get those feelings out there.


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