Thanks so much for all the positive feedback you have provided. I thought I would share an update. I have been on my Lamotrigine for a little over two weeks now and just started taking the full dose Thursday. Up until Thursday, I was taking half a dose every other day of my former med Paroxetine to ween off of it. Not sure if it is the combo of both of them working synergistically or just my bodies initial reaction to the new med, but I have had incredible insomnia and feel extremely fragile. Has anyone else had this experience from Lamotrigine? I have a follow up with my doc at the end of the month and will fill her in then but was curious to hear others anecdotal experiences on this med.
I have been very emotional and had a few times I had to find a bathroom and breakdown and let it out. The silly thing is, it’s usually triggered by the smallest things, some of which don’t even affect my life. I may be watching a TV show and start crying because of a fictional characters challenges in the story. I have been having even more extreme and hyper fast swings from feeling like I can do and accomplish everything at once with manic invincibility, and the next day, crash into a low state where I feel depressed for little or no reason and without a trigger.
I have been listening to music, writing lyrics, and singing along to some favorite bands. I have found myself crying as I sing songs, even if they are not sad, just simply because I can hear the raw emotion in the music and connect so deeply with that emotion that it moves me to tears. I feel like I am expressing my feelings in a new way even when singing along to songs I didn’t write.
I have been listening to a lot of August Burns Red. Shout out to Jake Luhrs (creator of HeartSupport ) and the ABR crew! Jake- your lyrics and the music behind them have been the soundtrack to my lowest lows and highest highs. Thank you so much for wearing your heart on your sleeve and being an advocate for mental health. Hope to get to thank you in person someday! I also have a lot of Killswitch Engage, Alice In Chains, and a lot more very expressive songs and bands.
In a nutshell, I guess I feel that talking to my support, friends and loved ones that I can trust, and having my music is my therapy. Coupling that with my meds, I have an optimistic hope that soon the dust will settle and I will feel more stable, closer to midline, and not so fragile.
Thanks for reading and please, get help and be open to meds if you recognize you need more stability for your overall mental/emotional health.