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Tiny Breakthroughs & More Stress

So I know I have been hear a lot lately but it is because right now I can’t lay my shit on anyone else in my circle. I’m finding a lot of ways to manage my stress. Since I’ve been told I need to change my diet and exercise so that I am not at risk of being diabetic, I’ve been making new healthy meals I’ve never had before. I have found that I’ve missed cooking for pleasure. I’ve found that it’s therapeutic. I’ve also been doing arts and crafts with or at the same pace as my best friend who is going through it mentally. We’ve been doing puzzles, cross-stitching, diamond painting, and we even are about to bake random stuff. I’d be doing most of the baking while my friend either watch in awe or join in when she’s ready.

Now I’m getting so stressed out that I am doing multiple projects and even less socializing unless it’s with my friend. At this current time being I am still not sleeping right. I’m getting up cranky or unmotivated. I still have a month before my sleep study at the hospital. I’m getting tired of doing my job and what’s insane is I love my job because I am home. But today I called off because my sister had a funny fake emergency (drunken argument with her fiance, and I believe, soon to be ex). She called me 8 times between 2am and 4 am. I was irritated because any noise, light, or movement/vibration wakes me. Well those calls woke me and pissed me straight the hell off. It pissed me off because this is always an issue. Drunken fights between them, she always wants someone to pick her up on the spot just to return back to the house to rinse and repeat. And if no one flies to her aide, she hates us all.

It’s really wearing me out trying to help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves while I am dealing with my own shit. I’m still fighting against having a drink, quitting my job, insomnia, and the loneliness that’s there due to everyone being in a relationship around. It’s easy hearing my best friend’s problems because it’s a two sided conversation with advice and encouragement. With my sister, you just have to listen to her even if you are having your own meltdown.

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I understand how it feels to go so long without sleep. I understand the physical pain, the sense of desperation for something to get better. I really feel for you.

That said, you need to be well for yourself more than you need to be there for your sister if she’s not in any real danger. If there’s a threat of physical violence, make your part calling the police for her, then picking her up and not taking her home. You aren’t beholden to going to pick her up over and over again and listening to her vent until she sobers up–that’s enabling. She would “hate you” for not going to her aid because she’d have to actually deal with her shit. You’ve been in her shoes before. You understand what she’s feeling, but you also understand that she’s acting out learned helplessness and putting it on you to support her emotionally so she doesn’t have to support herself.

You’ve accomplished so much in the last year, and I’m really proud to read your success stories. I’m proud of you now for turning to cooking and crafting as stress outlets–that’s something most people hear and don’t follow through with, and it’s amazing! But you still have enough on your plate without taking on her garbage too. I’d tell her to call you during the day, sober, when she’s ready to move out for good, but that you need to sleep at night and you can’t keep running to her whenever she gets drunk and mad at her fiance in the middle of the night, and then I’d turn your phone on silent or off. She can guilt you all she wants, but you know better than anyone the game she’s playing, and you don’t have to play if that’s what’s best for you.

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