Very depressed today. Recently me and my wife separated. I miss my family so much. I’m the reason we separated. I’ve always had a bad problem with drugs, depression, anxiety. Im working on the drugs problem with NA and I take meds and have a psychiatrist. I just feel so alone. I have so called “friends” and family but does anyone actually care or check up on you. I have a problem with holding things in and am not good at reaching out. So this is hard for me to do here. Idk I feel like I’m just a screw up and will never heal or get better.
I’m sorry you are in a bad season of your life. Don’t beat yourself up because you are not in good terms with your wife. Have you ever thought about amends?
Have you tried meditation? It’s a great way to gain better self control so maybe you should give it a try to help battle your addictions.
Yea, I am definitely hoping for that however it doesn’t help the pain or anxiety now which is hard.
I am going to NA and staying sober but she doesn’t understand anything about addiction and refuses to which is sad.
I see. If you need someone to listen to you, this community is here with you and for you. Thank you for sharing.
I am 30+ days off opiates and 14 days off Kratom. I have been an addict my whole life. I lost my wife as part of this issue and I still have 50/50 custody of my daughter. Depression is part of quitting, anxiety is too. Its what the addiction is telling your brain so it can feed itself. It takes a good month for you to start feeling like you again. All I can say is you deserve this for you. Quit for you. You need to find happiness that isn’t produced by a chemical. It breaks my heart that I believed this lie for so long. You don’t have to either. Its not real Blaze. When you come out of this fog you will see that everything that you thought was making you happy was killing your happiness. I have been in this current fog for 2 years. I am over 30 days and its still hard, every day is hard. But you know what? I know I can get through it, I know I can look my daughter in the face without a fogged up mind and know I am treating her right. Know that I am deserving of her love, know that I am fixing me so she can have the best dad possible.
Once you decide to quit for you, look at what you do have. Look at what the addiction has been stealing from you without you knowing it. Break the choke hold it has around your neck and take back what you love. You got this, one day at a time. Its not the falling down its the staying down. You will get through this. Just takes time. Good luck brother.
I’m sorry about your separation. That’s hard. I know as I fairly recently went through a separation and divorce, myself. It’s never easy losing relationships and loved ones.
I think it’s really good that you are facing your addictions and going to NA. That is really great and I hope that the process is healing for you and something that serves as a strength and guidance. I know that the battle can be a hard one. I have had many friends and loved ones struggle with drugs and depression. It’s not an easy process but even with these struggles you are still so important and valued. It’s important that you remember that.
It’s hard because yes, drugs can be hurtful to those you love. I know the hurts it can cause. So it’s always a process of learning to get through the consequences of our actions and how they effect others. It’s important to let others get through it how they need. But what’s important here is that you are trying. That matters. Even if those around you who have been effected by the drug use have a hard time being around you right now, that doesn’t mean you are any less loved and valued as a person.
It just means you have something you need to work on and you seem to be doing just that. You are making great progress. Attending meetings, reaching out even though it’s very hard and that’s awesome. I’m really glad that you are willing to open up and share your story.
You are human and you will make mistakes like the rest of us. We all “screw up” in life. But we learn from our mistakes and grow stronger from them. You can heal my friend. It may take time, patience and dedication but you CAN fight this. You CAN get through this. Don’t beat yourself up too hard. You can’t change the things in the past but you can control the now. Focus on the now. Okay?
One day at a time. Keep going to your NA groups. Surround yourself with people who are also sticking to the program and trying to get better. Hold each other accountable. Do healthy activities together. Keep sharing your story with others as you’d be surprised at how many other people will be able to relate to you. It may also help someone else who is struggling. Use your story as a way to help yourself and others fight for a better life and recovery.
And if along the way you need some resources to help you, Heart Support has two books that they will send you at no cost to you. One is called Dwarf Planet and it is a book for depression. One is called Re-Write which is a guidance through self harm and those things that surround it. They also offer a free 7 day trial for an online counseling called BetterHelp.
I have put together a bunch of links to resources that people can use that include the links to the above mentioned books. It also has the link to Heart Supports twitch stream where you can find the refferal link to BetterHelp.
In this list of links is also a lot of mental health videos, meditative videos and mind calming music that can be helpful for anxiety, depression, stress and struggles sleeping. That all can be found here.
I hope something here can serve as helpful to you my friend.
You are so loved here. Be gentle with yourself. You are worth forgiving and loving. Okay?
Hey friend, glad you’re here.
Sharing is hard, and I’m proud of you for building up the courage to speak about how you’re feeling. Split ups are never easy, and while you may have made a mistake to cause a separation, you can’t blame yourself for every single moment you stumble. I can tell you care, you want to get better, and you have a good heart. I hope you find the friends and support you need here. You are loved and you matter.
You are not a screw up.
You will heal, you will get better.
Hang in there friend,
Thank you so much for the encouragement. Means allot!
Man you know what my impulsive bi-polar self did once? Was with this amazing girl, deeply in love, she was always so happy and positive. Then one day i was in a bad state from changing meds. lots of up down mood swings, and i decided she needed to be with someone better than me, someone less depressed, less mentally ill, and less of a downer. So i broke that poor girls heart and possibly ruined the love of my life because i felt sorry for myself. Felt like a peice of poo man, especially when i kinda came to emotionally Kicked myself for a long very hard time. Mistakes happen, life happens, but you do come back from it better and more equipped to handle more things than before. Dont be down on yourself, you’re getting help and trying to come back, the road to a better you. Also look how many people responded, you are faaaaarr from alone bro. Stay strong
I know that feeling, when my ex fiancee left me years ago and it took me 4 yeas to recover because when your with your wife she becomes your family. I sympathize with you. Don’t give up there is light on the other side of the tunnel.
Thank you for reaching out and posting to the HeartSupport forums. You are not alone.
I’m proud of you for getting help through NA, and for reaching out to a psychiatrist. That alone is a huge step to take and you’ve done it.
You say you have a tendency to hold things in, but you reached out and posted to the forums, which again, is a huge step forward. Maybe you aren’t in a place where you want to open up, but I would love to suggest you write in a journal, or keep notes on your phone, just so you can have your thoughts out.
You say you feel like you’re just a screw up and that you will never heal or get better, but that’s not true. You are a human being. Human beings aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. They “screw up”. But that does not mean they themselves are a screw up. Your past is your past, and from here, you have the power to move forward. You have the power to learn and grow from your past to change your future.
As far as healing goes, healing is a process. It takes time, and there are ups and downs. Like progress, healing is not always linear, and it is important not to become discouraged when there is a ‘down’ or a ‘drop’ in healing. You CAN get better, but only if you don’t give up.
Please, don’t give up on yourself. You are loved. You are appreciated. You are important. You are far stronger than you know. Take care of yourself and hold fast.