As a gay male with a loving and caring boyfriend, I feel as if I’m going to kill myself this year. I can’t handle not being able to see anyone other than father, I feel like I’m mentally getting worse and worse as the days progress. I’m tired of sitting for hours accomplishing nothing and hating myself. I’m tired of sulking and thinking about my memories of the past. It feels like my bucket is tipping with no boundaries to support it. I’m tired of my mind constantly telling me that I’m not worth anything and that nobody loves or cares about me. I can’t catch a break, I feel trapped inside myself. All this is building on my shoulders, and I feel like the only escape from this living hell is death. I want to tell my boyfriend that he means the whole world to me, and that I can’t live without him. I’m sorry for being weak and brittle, and I’m sorry that he, despite him caring about my mental health, has to put up with my crap. I’m sorry for being worthless to everything, and I’m sorry for not being able to control my mental state. I’m sorry.
Hey honey, fellow queer here.
I get it. Living with yourself can be tough. I’ve been there, and in fact, I still struggle. Some days it just seems like everything is broken and nothing can be fixed. There’s no use in trying. I’ve been on both sides of this conversation with my partner. Sometimes I’m the person who wants to give up, and no amount of consolation from my partner can change my mind. I go to sleep knowing that that’s the safest way to know that I’ll wake up tomorrow. Sometimes I’m the person reassuring - I feel like I’m talking to a brick wall, trying to show this person their worth. Both sides are really hard to be on.
At HeartSupport, we let our family know that they aren’t alone. Their feelings are valid. You are worth love and support and we’re going to do the best we can do help you. If that just means venting, that’s fine. If you need advice or think you should talk to a therapist, then do that too! We’re here to support you - it’s called HeartSUPPORT not Heart-we-don’t-care.
Thank you for sharing.
hold fast <3
love,
sophic
I’m so sorry that you are carrying so much hurt around my friend. That you have a pain so deep that you feel trapped.
You are NOT worthless.
You ARE loved.
You matter!
How you feel is important!
Have you joined our discord? https://discord.gg/x5ySUu
Come join us. Talk to us. Hang with us. 
You don’t have to be alone in these feelings, friend. You’d be surprised at how many people can relate to what you are going through. You are among friends. People who care. We all have our struggles but we all try to encourage one another. Sometimes we just need to have that. To be heard.
Friend, you don’t have to be sorry for not being able to be completely together right now. You are not worthless. It’s okay to share your heart and how you are feeling. It’s okay to talk about it. Nobody here expects you to have perfect control of your mental state. None of us do.
Hey, we care.
