Tired,fedup,need help

Hi (kia to anyone who would read this all) I dont think I can do this anymore, all my life all I have been doing is fighting. from fighting to survive to fighting to make it thru med school in the end it took me extra 2yrs and a 3rd class gp to come out as a physiotherapist. I don’t know why I’m feeling like this i don’t smoke I don’t take alcohol I find no relief from them I only feel worse after taking them, i kind of realise how much mess I’m in afterwards. I was born to a family of 8 siblings and I’m the first my father doesn’t stay with us anymore he stays in a different state where he’s working he took in another girl he met at work and he’s been taking care of her and always lieing to my poor mother and us all about their relationship saying she’s a blood relative he barely supports us anymore he seems to not care about us anymore and my mom is seriously ill from an Infection he gave to her from his promiscuousness she’s been to several hospitals over the years trying to get a cure all proven abortive and he doesn’t want to help he keeps asking me to check up on her she recently underwent a surgery and he didn’t as much as go to be with her during or after the surgery I ve done it all trying to make money to take care of her. the only reason I’m still alive is because I know she’ll be heartbroken if anything happens to me and might give up. On my part I have 7 younger ones to try to cater for till they’re done with school or able to cater for themselves I would like to push for a masters degree overseas but I don’t have a sponsor or any money at all I don’t know how I’m still alive I’ve hustled in the most unimaginable places and jobs . Yet nothing, I’ve prayed soo much that I even doubt the existence of a God I just want it all to end. Everyone around me seems to be benefiting from me when I have something but times like this when I have nothing they tend to resent from me. All I do is stay on my bed and cry all day. I don’t even have a single friend that truly cares about me , at first they act like they do but later I find they need things from me. I can’t take this anymore what have I done to deserve all this, I’ve chosen not to do anything bad like stealing or being a internet scammer which seems to be paying everyone around me all they do is flash their new gadgets and new cars in front of me telling me the only way out is to join them and scam people, I have no one to connect me for a job here. I mean I am a physiotherapist and I still can’t get a job and I’m broke. And where I’m from its impossible to get a good job without a political connection or someone in the high places no one looks at your resume here of which mine is horrible anyway. I have no one I can’t take it anymore I had said before that I’d rather die than steal or break the law even tho everyone around right now is doing it. I don’t know anymore, I don’t know what to do anymore and trust me I’ve heard enough consolations for a life time I’m fed up. I want out.

Thank you for sharing and like you said you have a ton of stuff going on in your life. I wish I had advice on job stuff for you because it’s so tough when your working hard in life but certain doors are not opening. I’m sorry your dad is doing this to your family that’s definitely super messed up. With family stuff and seeing friends move ahead in life by using sketchy methods is tough but I’m really proud of you for sticking to your morals. It’s understandable that your unsure of God, I do believe in God and I feel he’s also very proud of you. I often find comfort in reading the Bible and seeing other folks who have struggled but God carried them through so much even when they didn’t realize it.

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Hi @Tired,

Thank you for sharing. I’m sorry you had to go through all of this and it seems like there’s a lot of things going on for you right now.

First of all, I’ve got to say that I’m so proud of you for so many reasons. You managed to become a physiotherapist at some point in your life and it doesn’t matter if it took some time. You’ve reached this goal and I hope you’re proud of yourself for that. Also you’ve been really supportive for your whole family despite the hardships you went through. It’s hugely admirable. You’ve been like a parent for your siblings and even for your mother. This requires respect.

Now you’ve reach this point where you need someone to take care of you so you can focus more on yourself. You’ve already accomplish a lot and it would be difficult for everyone to handle so much things at the same time.

You have personnal goals right now and you need to hang on to this. That’s really positive to have this kind of goal in your life. For the master degree, is there a way for you to apply for some financial aid? Any services close to your home and where you could receive some information about this? Also is there someone in your family, outside your mother and siblings, who could bring some help to you for everyday things?

You are not alone. :two_hearts:

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I tried applying for a couple of scholarships around but they either turned out to be scams or I’m not qualified to get them because of my g.p seems like the system is set up to only support people with better grades if only they understood. And about family assistance I gotta be honest my extended family seems to not like eachother because of their differences everyone keeps saying stuff like “it’s your cross not mine” and they really do not care, I pretty much don’t know most of my first cousins just because of how much distant they and their parents wanna be, and to be honest none of them is close to my family and trustworthy enough to share these things with they only gossip about it in the end, I’m not sure what to do really, I just know this has to end, I don’t deserve this, like when would I start getting good news or is my purpose in life just to suffer till Its over.