Not sure how organized this post is going to be, but I wanted to get some thoughts out.
I’m tired of always fighting for everything, from the big things to the littlest things. Now, I sure as hell don’t expect everything or anything to just be handed to me. Far from it. I know that life is hard work and that some things are worth fighting for.
I’m just tired of having to prove myself. Tired of every little argument. Or when an argument is truly small and I react like it’s the end of the world because I’m so exhausted at needing to/feeling like I need to fight. I’m tired of people not wanting to/being able to fight as hard for me as I am for them. I’m tired of when everything seems like it’s “under control” or easy to understand how to proceed, but then someone throws a wrench into the situation and it hits me in the head.
I’m tired of trying to decipher when someone or something is worth fighting for, if I’m just wasting my time, or if this is merely a situation I’m meant to learn from. And some people, I want to fight for, but I’m just so exhausted and I don’t know if I’m strong enough. I don’t know if my struggles are worth it. I don’t know if some dreams are worth the pain. Or if after I survive all the hardships, if I’ll be too damaged to enjoy the happinesses I’ve earned.
I am glad you reached out to this community. I don’t know the details of your situation but it may be worth considering that some people fight for things in different ways and some other people may have a much higher threshold to “fight” meaning that it may take way way more things to prompt that fight or flight mode. I know that the more a person goes through, it seems, the more callas they are to situations that may prompt a quick fight with someone else. I hope that you can get through these times that are causing resistance in your life. Continue to reach out anywhere that you can for help or insight.
Best of luck friend.
joefor88
Hello friend,
Your message resonated not only with me but with a lot of people in my community
It is fair to say that a lot of your questions and fears are shared among a great number of people
Here is what we had to say
Thank you for your response to my post and thank you to your chat for their input 
You’ve given me a lot to think about. Letting go is hard for me. Especially if I care about someone but then I realize they are treating me poorly. I remember the good things I saw in them and try to fight for that, but maybe they’re hurting me more than they’re making me happy. You’re right that I have to meter my expectations. And maybe pull back from how I interact with certain people. I have to learn to not hold things so tightly and to just let some things be.
I’m learning to be and trying to be as kind to myself as I am to other people. I’ve gotta put myself first. Not in a selfish way, but I should live my life in “the dash” because before I know it, life will have passed me by and I don’t want to be there on that last day with any regrets. I’ve gotta start living for myself and find happiness from within.