I’m so tired of being strong. I’m tired of feeling like the sacrifices I make now with getting an education will pay off. I’m tired of seeing others around me living their best life, when I come home to nothing but loneliness and no one to count on. I’m tired of pretending to be happy and feeling excited for others joy, when I’m filled with sadness and depression. My soul is tired. I feel like an old woman, trapped inside a young woman’s body. My soul is imprisoned in this cycle of depression. I want so badly the happiness that others find, yet when I look for it, I end up disappointed. I’m so tired of having hope. Depression has become a close friend and hope the enemy, as ill always know what to expect from depression. I’m tired of hope mocking me and making me believe that one day I’ll be just as happy.
First, welcome to this community
I am sad that you are having those thought and dealing with depression, I havent had depression and I am not an expert but it must be hard.
I cant give you a great advice but my advice would be that keep fighting for you and keep trying to make your life better. Maybe now you will see that you arent getting anything but if you dont quit, you will see that one day your fight for living and to being strong have been worth it.
Please take a great care and now that you have this community to help you and that care about you.
You are not alone take care and have a great day
O goodness I know that feeling. I am sorry you feel stuck in this place.
I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but although it looks like everyone around you may be happy, often they are not. So many people hide their sadness and loneliness and appear happy. It’s ironic that if more people were able to talk more openly about their depression, it would surely help those also dealing silently with the same issues.
It sounds like you are investing in your future and that you feel really, really weary. Is there anything you can do that will help refresh you? Anything you enjoy?
Give yourself permission to not be strong all the time. Sometimes we need to cry and treat ourselves tenderly and not be so strong. But please don’t give up on yourself and your future.
Thank you so much for your kind words and compassion. It truly means the world
I can so relate to the feeling of seeing others living their best life or in ways that we would like to live, ourselves. I can relate to how hard that is. How easy it is to compare ourselves and our lives to others. It’s a dangerous cycle to fall into.
I can relate to pretending and putting on a mask. Faking it. Putting on a happy face or being whatever I feel like those around me think I should be. Been there.
I know what it’s like to feel like an old woman trapped in a tired body.
Friend, I am so sorry that you are hurting and facing all of these emotions. That everything feels overwhelming and difficult. Things CAN get better. I know right now it may not feel like it, but there is light out there. There is happiness. We just have to find ways that will help us get on the track we need.
I am currently working through Heart Supports book Dwarf Planet. A book and guide through depression. It really helps you connect to the things that are causing your depression and how to work through those things. There are a lot of exercises inside to help connect and reflect. Maybe this could be something that could be of help for you. You can find that, other books and other help resources here: https://heartsupport.com/resources/
Have you joined the Heart Support discord? There are a lot of people that can relate to these feelings and if you open up there in the #realtalk, I can almost guarantee that someone will respond. There are a lot of us who are hurting and carry these feelings, but this community is so amazing with all of the people who come together to try to support one another. You dont have to be alone in this.
Friend, I hope that you find the strength and courage to keep fighting. To reach out to the resources and people that you need to get the help and support you need to heal.
Something else I turn when I need comfort is meditation audio on youtube. There is also an app called HeadSpace that has daily meditation. Free to check out with some in app purchase options.
I also listen to Rainymood when I need something mind calming to relax my brain and calm my anxiety. https://rainymood.com/
Stay strong my friend. Sending you a lot of love
It’s okay to be tired. You have the right to rest. And in fact, acknowledging that is also part of being strong. We need to be aware of our own limits, to change the direction of our life sometimes. And it can bevery healthy do to that. But please, don’t let exhaustion lead you to harmful conclusions about your life, your future, yourself. I hear your disappointment and I absolutely respect that. I’ve been dealing with a similar feeling too many times. Experiencing depression has been feeling like a never-ending circle of growing hope then disappointments…
I truly believe that most of the time we perceive and experience depression as a mountain that has to be overcome, and like happiness is just waiting for us right behind it. But what if it’s not a destination? What if there were little sparkles of happiness, joy or fulfillment around us already? Sometimes it’s about very important, intense or exceptionnal events. Sometimes it’s just things that could seem pretty basic and common, yet fascinating. Do you think having a kind of “gratefulness log” could help you? A few weeks ago I’ve been advised by a friend to try to look at what I’m grateful to, every day. I’m not gonna lie, I’m really bad at doing things on a regular basis… But the days I actually tried to take the time to reflect on that, it helped me. I became aware of things that I wouldn’t have thought about if I didn’t take the time to look at it. Hopefully it could help you too.
I’m glad you reached out and I thank you for doing so. Hang in there, friend.