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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Jinjer - Pisces
Tired of living but affraid of dying is my duality
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Hey there,
That’s a really tough place to be, feeling caught between those two extremes. It sounds like you’re grappling with a lot of intense emotions and perhaps feeling stuck. This duality of being tired of the struggles yet fearing the finality of death is something many people can relate to, even if it’s not often spoken about.
It might be helpful to explore spaces where you can express these feelings more freely, like through journaling or creative writing. Sometimes putting words to these experiences, just for yourself, can make them a bit easier to navigate. It could also be a way to explore what aspects of life still hold meaning for you, even if they’re small or seem insignificant right now.
Connecting with nature might also bring some comfort. There’s something about being outside, whether it’s a park, a forest, or just sitting under a tree, that can sometimes help us feel a little more grounded and less overwhelmed by our thoughts.
If you ever feel like it might help, talking to someone who understands these feelings, like a counselor or a trusted friend, can also be beneficial. They might not have all the answers, but sometimes just being heard can lighten the burden a little.
You’re not alone in feeling this way, and it’s okay to take things one day at a time.
Man, I feel this with you. On one hand, there is this complete exhaustion in life, because of the adversity you have encountered through it. You find yourself asking more and more “what’s the point?” and just don’t see where it would be possible to keep on going. But at the same time, death is not a place where you want to be, and you know deep inside that life has more to offer than what you’ve known so far. But in the meantime you just feel stuck in this middle, this in-between where you are alive but don’t feel like existing. Where you are breathing but also don’t feel like being an actual part of this world. So many times I find myself in this very place again - for what it’s worth, you are not alone there, and you are not broken for feeling this way.
Something positive in this, at least that I try to see, is what it says really to feel that way. Somehow, it’s a testimony of your actual willingness to live - and not to just exist, but to actually live a life that you would embrace and would make you feel whole again. The aspiration for a good life, and not just one that would be made of enduring and survival. It is a declaration of love for life itself and a complete separation from death, even if sometimes the thought of giving up might cross your mind. In the middle, you don’t want to die. You are screaming your desire for a better life. And oh my friend you deserve so much to have it. To feel like walking on a path that would bring joy to you. 