Tired of living like this

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Ever since my sister and brother in law passed away in the wreck that is all everyone wants to talk about. They think talking about it makes it better but for me it doesn’t. It just makes it worse. It makes me miss her more and it makes me cry myself to sleep at night. That’s all they ever talk about. They think my self harm is getting better but it’s not. Them talking about it makes me so it even more. It could be 90° outside and I will wear a long sleeve just to cover the scars because I’m not getting better. I have tried everything to help take my mind off things. I have tried writing, talking to friends, and I’m not a super religious person but I have even prayed to get better. Nothing is working. I can’t keep doing this everyday.

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I can’t imagine how hard it must be to go through what you’re going through, but I can see how people reacting badly can make it worse. Even though you’re in a tough situation, I’m really glad that you have the strength to try and get better! I suggest that you listen to “Beneath the Skin” by Memphis May Fire (acoustic version) it can help you have something to relate to. I love you and I’m praying for you! :heart:

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Dealing with grief is different for everyone - your family talking about what happened is their way of processing it. It’s different from yours, and it really sucks that it’s making you feel worse, but they need to be able to let their own feelings out and process it all too. Clearly, talking does make it better to them, even if it doesn’t help you.
However, you should be allowed to say you don’t want to be a part of those conversations. You’re allowed to walk away when they start. You’re allowed to tell people not to talk about it to you, because it’s making your grieving process more difficult.
I’m a lot like you. I don’t talk about the people I’ve lost, because it doesn’t help me either. I’ve made it clear to my family too, and they’ve accepted that as my way of dealing with things. Your family should too, but they might not realize that it’s upsetting you unless you tell them so. It’s easy to assume that what helps them helps everyone around them too, but you have the right to deal with things your own way and ask for them to respect that.
Sending love your way. :heart:

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Hi @Bandfreak03,

I’m sincerely sorry for your loss. Sending much love your way. :two_hearts:

As Sarita said, we all deal with grief in different ways. Obviously your family need to talk about it for the moment, but maybe there’s a way for you not to be part of these discussions. To tell them how this makes you feel, without necessarily go into details if you don’t want to. It’s really important that they also respect your feelings and your needs.

I can understand what you describe. When my brother passed away, I realized that every member of my family had a different way to deal with the situation. And I couldn’t handle hearing people crying and talking about it almost all the time. I needed to deal with this at my own pace. So I had to tell them about it and, even if I’m not sure if they understood why, they finally respected my needs at the time. In the end, there’s no good or bad way to mourn, and no reason to feel guilty about your feelings. And if talking about it or hearing their conversations is making you feel worse, they should respect that.

Also, I’d like to suggest you a workbook about self-harm, named ReWrite, which is a resource available here on HS. Maybe it could be helpful for you. You can fill a form to have it for free:

Hold fast, friend. :two_hearts:

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