I honestly dont know if therapy can help me. I know how therapy works and I dont think it is for me. You have to have a goal to work towards and I have said that my goal was to not get in a situation where i would want to kill myself but that was just not entirely true.
It is a very healthy and fundamental goal of course. It sets the foundation for something else, for the possibility to live. Although I would think that this is a step towards something else, and not the main goal of therapy. What you describe is survival, which is essential when we are deeply struggling, but in the long run it can’t be enough. Life can’t just be about not doing something. Otherwise it’s completely understandable to feel stuck in a pattern of always coming back to the same thoughts and pain. Imagine you tell someone to go to an AA meeting, and say that they have to go there because it’s going to prevent their partner from crying again because of their addiction. They go there, they don’t give a shit about what is said but at least they acted so something that could happen won’t happen, right? They maintain their sobriety. Their partner is feeling a huge relief. But for the whole time they were there, they were bored and didn’t see the point of being there. It benefited them from a practical standpoint - sobriety is required to heal. But it didn’t meet their needs, which is more than likely to understand their emotions better, give space to it, eventually address past events, traumas, life stress, etc.
Yes, you can develop ways to cope with therapy, especially in times of emergency or intense darkness. It’s a wonderful takeaway to have already. But your heart also needs something more, something to look forward to, something that helps you to hold on to life and to learn to embrace it, to see what’s worth in it. So you could actually feel and connect the dot between not hurting yourself and why you need to not hurt yourself. Therapy is a lot about dealing with symptoms and providing immediate relief/coping mechanisms/strategies. But it’s also about digging deeper and meeting yourself at a time when you are highly vulnerable, so you can create potential changes that are needed - but scary as well. For example, have you discussed on therapy about your family dynamics? Is it something you’d feel like doing? Do you share about your studies? (which is not just about accomplishing something, but about something that resonate with your heart even if the veil of depression may let it seem artificial to you at times). About work? These separate areas of your life that are key elements of your daily routines and what you experience.
I guess what I mean is, maybe your long-term goal in therapy would actually be about finding what makes you feel existing and not only surviving. In other words: a first step is to get to a place where you have control over your suicidal thoughts, indeed. But from “I’ll not hurt myself because I don’t want to hurt others”, you might need to work on ending up with the formulation of something positive – “I want to live for…”. At this time, you probably won’t be able to formulate it, because depression and anhedonia make it very challenging. Which is exactly when therapy plays a role: it’s a time and space to reflect on your daily life, your thoughts, your needs, your dreams, your habits, etc. – to explore your life as an observer and share your feedback with someone so you can see what works or not. And through all of it, learning to be progressively more in tune with what you need.
I hope all of this makes sense? Sorry if it doesn’t. Having a hard time putting words on my thoughts today.
I care about you a lot. I believe in you so freaking much. 
