Tired. so incredibly tired

hey, it’s me :]
been a while.

i’ll get straight to the point; i’m so done. i’m tired. i’ve had about four breakdowns yesterday and today. my mom made me feel invalid. like i don’t matter. i was crying my eyes out next to her this morning. i wish she would’ve hugged me and told me it’s okay. but what does she actually do? take out her phone to watch a youtube video.

some stuff happened a couple of days ago, where a friend made insensitive jokes and another one reminded me of something i wanted to forget forever. i know it wasn’t her intention but ever since then my mental health has been deteriorating.

i have work tomorrow. my first day. but i don’t think i can do it. i’m not ready just yet. this morning i was told it’s okay if i’m not ready yet. everyone would understand. now no one listens to me anymore, when i say i don’t feel stable enough. i can’t breathe. i’m crying again.

i was supposed to get medication a couple weeks back. but then my mom got very sick and it had to be cancelled. she’s still not recovered. she’s not happy about it and takes it out on me.

i can’t do this anymore. i’m reaching my limits. and now i can’t even stay clean for longer than two weeks. it feels like everything is falling apart again and there’s nowhere for me to turn to anymore.


Hey there, @HeresA.Gun.KillMePlease. I’m sorry to hear that you’re going through all of this, I can’t imagine how hard it is. I’m sorry that your mom made you feel invalid and like you don’t matter but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. You are valid and you matter, so much more than you know. If you don’t feel ready to work, don’t push yourself into it because forcing yourself to do something is going to make everything worse. You always have people on here that will listen to you and offer you support.

I know that not staying clean for longer than 2 weeks doesn’t seem like progress, but it is. 2 weeks is a long time when dealing with that type of thing. You might be clean for 2 weeks this month but next month you could be clean for 3 weeks. Failure isn’t a step back, it’s just a pause.

You always have a place to come and vent to or ask support from. Everyone on here loves you and cares about you, friend. You mean the absolute world to me and you can get through this. I 100% believe in you and your strength, this isn’t the end. Much love. :heart:


From: twixremix (Discord)

hi there, i’m so thankful to be able to hear how things are going for you. my heart breaks hearing how your mom neglects you especially as you’re sobbing so close to her. you deserve more support than that so i truly thank you for reaching out to your heartsupport community here. i’m very excited to hear tomorrow is your first day at your new job! wishing you all the best, my friend, i believe in you! what do you feel the most confident in and do you want to talk through what you feel is blocking you from being ready for the job? sometimes, you kind of just have to push your way forward into a new experience like that. i was so anxious before my first day but once i got into the flow of it all, it all worked out how it needs to. and i’m confident that will be the case for you. i’m here if you need to talk through anything on first day fears (you aren’t alone!). when it comes to getting the medication you need, have you considered reaching out to a family friend, neighbor, or even public transit to get your appointment since your mom is still recovering? please don’t give up on finding this help you know you need no matter what it takes. you got this, my friend, i can’t wait to hear how your first day goes! love, twix


Hello dear @HeresA.Gun.KillMePlease

I want you to know you do have a good place to turn to with the support wall, even if your parent is not being very supportive. I am really glad you found this community again today.

It sounds like you are going through a lot of different feelings, worries, anxieties. I know for me I used to get very very anxious getting ready for new jobs, I probably would today as well TBH. I will give you the advise I gave my family member. Give yourself one month at the new job. That gives you at least two pay periods and allows you to see what the schedule and job position really feels like. Anything shorter and you really didn’t give yourself a chance. And it’s ok to still be learning and struggling up till about 6 months in on a job if it is complex or lots of procedures to learn.

I think if you give yourself the chance, it will take up a lot of that anxious energy and you will learn some new lessons along the way. You might meet new friends or adults at the job that can give you a new perspective.

Try to get a way to get medication if you need it for daily use, skipping is not helping for sure. Friends, family, telemedicine/prescription by mail, there should be a way to accommodate this somehow.

Hoping on the social side of things you can talk things out with your friends as well, I know that heartache doesn’t help the anxiety either.

Wishing you good luck tomorrow/Mish


From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend, I am so sorry that you are having such a hard time, firstly I want to tell you that however you were or are feeling right now you are completely valid, you matter and you are so very important and if I could give you a hug right now I certainly would because you deserve that. I am so sorry your Mum didn’t reach out to you earlier today to give you that validation you needed, I wish she had too, sometimes people in the moment just for some reason just make the wrong choice and its no ones fault, most importantly it was not yours. As for your work, I understand your fears starting something new is so scary but it can also be exciting and open your world up to new beginnings so it is worth giving it a try, take a deep breath and be brave friend, I will be thinking of you. Please let me know how you get on tomorrow, take it easy and we are all here for you. Much Love Lisa xx


Hi @HeresA.Gun.KillMePlease
Its Lisalovesfeathers here, I responded to you via Discord yesterday, I was wondering if you managed to start work today and if so how you got on? I have been thinking about how you are and hope today has been a better day for you.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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