Hi. I am new around here and what brought me to this forum is probably my last attempt before feeling like I might kill myself pretty soon. I don’t know what to do, heck I don’t know if people will even answer this.
I have no family to talk to, as most of them died in the past years. I am young (24) and just recently moved out of my country to start a new life at a new University. I have gone through a lot of trauma and abuse as a kid, and I was hoping that moving abroad will change life for me, would be like a second chance. I was wrong.
Moving abroad, I had only met people who were reluctant towards immigrants so it was really hard to make new friends. As I had to study and work in order to afford life here that did not leave a lot of room for ‘joining clubs’ or building a social life outside my responsabilities. Thus, I still tried. I joined an online dating site and had a 2 month relationship with a man who was very abusive towards me and after the relationship ended a string of another bad dates with bad people. Making friends was just as hard.
At this point I have given up everything and I just want to end it. It makes no difference if you are good looking, make hobbies and ‘work on yourself’ as I was adviced to do. Nothing works- I am very unhappy and tired of trying. The way things are going I will probably end this very soon. If there is anyone out there in a similar situation, thank you for reading through my testimony and if you really are going through this I hope you have more luck that I did.
I just want to make a point letting you know I’m here and responding. I just think you need to see someone is here right now though before I type out anything
Ok first off - I’m so proud of you for reaching out. It’s such a difficult thing to do especially when these are the thoughts going through your head. I’m so sorry that you’ve been unable to meet anyone accepting of you, but that doesn’t mean you never will. Believe it or not there ARE good people out there and you WILL find them. Moving abroad is a huge step for any person, mental illnesses or not and it’s amazing that you were able to do that. I’ve never knew life was anything other than psychological and even some physical abuse. I thought that’s what I deserved, how my life was going to be. Suffering in silence whilst people beat me down and I attempted suicide a few times. However things changed when I found this community and I’m confident if you give life a chance and let us help you, you will find the same result. I’ve made some amazing friends here that I can go to when I’m unable to fight the thoughts and voices in my head. That help me to believe I am enough and I’m not a product of the abuse I endured. You’re 24 years old - you have so much life to live and so much to look forward too. Just like me, the abuse DOESNT define you. YOU are stronger than those thoughts and voices and if there’s a day like today where you can’t fight them, it’s totally okay to come to HeartSupport and let us give you a head start. You’re already taking steps to change your life by being here and I’m so proud of you. I would suggest if it’s possible you reach out to a counsellor/therapist and look into HeartSupports book Dwarf Planet - it will help you explore your depression a little more and hopefully understand how you can help yourself. You CAN do this. You aren’t a lost cause and you’re not hopeless. You are here and you are fighting. You can beat this - one day at a time. One hour at a time if you need. Please keep coming back and keep us updated. We are here to help and we will be your support.
Thank you so much for your reply. It literally brought me to tears. It is really nice to know you are not alone and when you live in a place where you don’t speak the language and don’t know much about the culture, these feelings of alienation and loneliness feel 100 times worse than the regular ones.
I was told by my ex to “get my shit together” before he left. It always feels like this. Like my loneliness puts people off. But reading how kind your comment was, it definitely helped. I am happy you managed to get through your burdens by finding people here to help. This encourages me to try and survive this. Thank you, Kayla.
There are people here to help you too. We are all here fighting together. Come and join the discord/streams, intergrate and find friends the way I have. It’s seriously an amazing thing and you’ll feel so much better. Keep me updated.
Hey I just also want to add that you can do this and we are here to support you. I too have had feelings of rejection and loneliness. It is a dreadful experience. But just know that that is what it is… an experience. Where you are at in life now is not who you are, life will improve as you keep moving forward. You are valued and loved. Feel free to come on here and vent anytime you need to along this journey you are on. We love you.
Don’t give up you have us. Keep fighting it is hard when you are suffering and even harder when there is no support. You reached out and that takes courage. YOU should be proud you made the first step. Rejection is the hardest thing anyone can face it can make you lonely even when your not. We are here.
Please talk to me when you feel like you need a hand and keep reaching out .
First off, I want to welcome you to HeartSupport! I hope you find safety and refuge in this community.
I’m so sorry to hear about the extremely difficult season that you’re going through. You aren’t alone in this fight; we’re here for you!! Studying in a new country can definitely be traumatic, especially for people who are susceptible to anxiety (such as myself; I studied abroad for about a year). Although everyone is different, it usually take me about a month or so for my heightened norepinephrine system to relax, thus returning to relative normalcy. I know life is extremely difficult for you, but if you keep pushing forward, I PROMISE it’ll get better. College can be difficult, but it’ll get much better once you move into the workforce (post-graduation) and are around like-minded people. Meeting people online can be tricky. Although there are a plethora of bad eggs that reside on those platforms, I’m sure there are great guys as well (after all, I met my current girlfriend from the app CrossPaths and we’re super happy!). In the meantime, know that you’re strong and that you WILL get through this. We believe in you, and please don’t hesitate to reach back out. We want to see you beat this!!