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Today I am 17

I’m 17 today. I am 17 and feel like it was just 17 years of wasted efforts. 17 years of nothingness. 17 years of worthlessness. 17 years of being a burden to everyone around me. I don’t deserve to be here right now when so many other people should be here and not me. I don’t matter at all. Today I don’t feel any of the things you are supposed to feel on your birthday. I could barely get out of bed. I am sorry.

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Well happy birthday! Here’s what you’ve accomplished:

You’ve lived this long. Many don’t.
You are addressing your struggles with a supportive group of peers. Many suffer in silence or deny that anything is wrong.
You have turned your suffering to empathy to help others. So many people are so caught up in their own problems or life in general that they just don’t care.
You’re here. You are no less deserving than any other living being. Take away the bullshit, the hobbies and the college applications and socioeconomic statuses, and we’re all just meat puppets trying to get by.
You’ve gotten this far in what might be the most psychologically difficult generation of the modern era.
Maybe you barely got out of bed, but you did in fact get out of bed, and so you’ve begun another day.

Maye you don’t feel like it, but you do have a lot to celebrate. I’m not gonna make you celebrate it, paint on a smile and say gee thanks, but I hope you can reflect on it a bit. Have a bite of cake for me!

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Hey friend, happy birthday! If it brought you to here and now, then it wasn’t 17 years of nothingness, especially since you are still taking active steps towards healing. But it might be hard to see it at first.

Absolutely love @SheetMetalHead response as it conveys needed reminders and truth. :slight_smile: Maybe today could be a good opportunity to approach these 17 years in a different way, and try to name at least one thing you’ve accomplished and are proud of.

Sheet started the list! Could be good to try to add other items to it. :hrtlegolove:

At the very least, if you can do something food for yourself today… go for it! <3

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@SheetMetalHead and @Micro thank you but I really don’t feel like any of them are true. I wish I could but I don’t. I’m sorry

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It’s okay. These things take time and can’t be forced.

You do what you have to do to take it easy and make one step at a time. On our end, we’ll keep supporting you and love you as long as you accept us, for sharing life with you. That’s how it works, friend. No pressure, no expectation. Only a huge amount of love available for you. :hrtlegolove:

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I don’t even know what steps to take. I don’t know how to feel better.

How was your meeting yesterday, if I may ask? Was it productive for you in some way?

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It was somewhat productive. I told her about how I feel worthless but I there wasn’t a lot more than that.