Today might be the day don’t know how much more I can take with this crap life tired of being depressed and thinking of self harm can’t sleep no more than 3 hours tired of living I really just don’t want to do it no more
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Hey Dani,
I get that. I am so sorry you have to go through that. It is always hard with the sleepless nights… I have had sleepless nights for the last week or two now… I am really sorry that you have been struggling. Something I have been doing to help with the sleepless nights is I try to do something productive. For me, I do my school or work on a book I’m writing. Do you have anyone you can reach out to? I have a system set up for me that I have people I call if things get worse. Do you have anyone who would be willing to be your support? We are here, and people are willing to help. I will keep you in my mind and prayers.
Learning
Are you thinking of suicide?
If there is anyone that cares about you, you need to keep going on.
You would hurt them, maybe even worse than yourself is hurt right now.
If you were really meant to be dead, you would have been taken away by some natural cause by now.
I know there is a reason for you to be alive. You being here on Heartsupport could make all the difference for somebody else.
You are unique. Ever person is. And you ebing unique is enough of a reason for you to live.
If there is any love, even if it’s just a teacher or somebody who you don’t particularly like,
or if it’s somebody from the past that you have lost contact with, think of them, and how they would want you to continue. I hope you can ifnd some kind of peace an happpieness. Sometimes I feel like peace and happieness don’t exist on earth, but there is more to live for than just peace and happieness. Even sadness is a real feeling. I have had a fusion of sadness and joy. Whenever my sister would feel depressed, she would think about the past,and how things felt real back then, instead of like a faded memory adna depressed existance where our childish giggles and true joy didn’t exist in truth. She would cry,and she would keep determination in her heart. I know I can’t ask you to be like her, because you proably don’t think anything like her, but I must tell you what happened. When we together, my sister and I, share memories, without talking about our emotions, just the memoreies themselves, our depression leaves, even if just temporarily. But it’s not just that. We remember how unique we are, and the people who love us, and I get tired of living a lot, but I keep going even though I’m tired of it, even though sometimes, I reflect on how I know I’d be better off in Heaven, because I am still here on Earth, and I can make a differnece to others who are. I feel like I must help you and I know that you are not worthless and if you keep going today, than maybe there will be hope someday. Even if there isn’t right now. If somebody loved you in the past, and still cares about you, then keep them in mind.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts my support people get tired of hearing me they don’t say it but I see it anymore it’s a struggle just to get up and go outside my meds quit working talk with my counselor today suggestion Steel that I go in the hospital for in-house treatment and I don’t know see if I really want to do that anymore
Hey Dani,
I’m sorry to hear that things are getting particularly difficult today. But it’s good that you’re here. Reaching out is a good decision, friend.
my counselor today suggestion Steel that I go in the hospital for in-house treatment and I don’t know see if I really want to do that anymore
May I ask what makes you feel hesitant about this? Do you have any fear or concerns about in-house treatment that you’d like to discuss?
I went for the in house treatment in 2016 and it was like being in jail and I’ve been sitting around just hoping things will get better but seeing that my meds quit quit working I’m going to have to do something
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I see. That doesn’t sound to be a good experience indeed… It doesn’t mean it would be the same now, but I hear your reservations. Do you know for how long it would be if you accept?
You’re right about your meds. If it becomes less effective there might be a need for some adjustments to make with your doctor. Which means there are things to do and possibilities to explore friend. Things that are worth the try. 
I think it’s a 14-day minimum then around the holidays things get worse as I think a lot of my little sister what she would be doing or where she would be suicide took her a little over a year ago most days I was just wish I could turn my brain off
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I’m so sorry to hear about your sister, Dani. My heart goes out to you, so much. I lost my brother almost 3 years ago now, because of a disease that took him away quite suddenly. There’s no word to describe the pain when it’s about grief and losing someone unexpectedly. It also absolutely makes sense to ask yourself all of these questions, especially with holidays approaching.
I would lie to you if I pretended that I don’t ask myself similar questions as well. “Can he see me? Is he proud of me? How would he feel after this crazy year? Where would we meet on holidays?”. There are questions we probably can’t answer anymore, and it hurts. But we can still try to rely on the love we have for them. To take care of ourselves and make them proud of us for doing so, you know? I obviously didn’t know your sister, but I imagine that she would want you to make the right decisions, to be safe, to take care of yourself as much as possible. This life is messy, friend, and hell sometimes it’s a nightmare, but we can figure out our way through it. Step by step.
I know how much it sucks to feel like you’re your own enemy and that feeling increases everytime you’re alone with yourself. I hoped many times that I could just have a button somewhere that would put my mind on pause so I could have a break from myself. That’s just how much depression sucks. But we can learn to be at peace, one day after another. If sometimes it means to make different decisions such as in-patient treatment or changing a medication, that’s okay. For what it’s worth, you know you always have us here/this community by your side.
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