I feel like screaming into the void. I mean, hard core scream. I’ll scream into a pillow after I write this.
So. I work tomorrow. Work is normally good, but right now there’s no kids. I work at my church and help with religious education, which isn’t happening for a few more weeks until my boss figures out a plan, since covid got worse here (like most places). So, I’ll be cleaning out a back office. I know it will be helpful and I need to be paid but like… does that not just SOUND exhausting?
And then I will have to worry about my brother picking me up or being lame and not actually picking me up (causing anxiety). My mom would have to eventually come get me. But then I have therapy. I’m starting emdr for the first time (in person) and I am very nervous. It’s supposed to be exhausting and I will have had a long day at work…
I’m trying to tell myself that on the bright side we will be going to the store, so I can get the rest of what I need to set up my aquarium tomorrow. Which will probably be exhausting because my mom will ask me how therapy went and likes talking a lot and I’m already like -_-
I don’t even know what point I’m trying to make -_- sorry
It makes sense to me, the way it would be that your mom would ask you how therapy went and that unexplainable feeling it would give…
and cleaning out a back office… that sounds too exhausting. I understand your over whelmed ness, I have it too but not quite the same reasons.
The point you are trying to make is not exactly a point exactly.
What you are saying makes sense to me…
when I have to do the kind of thing like clean out a back office, usually I find a way to make it fun and also I listen to music when I do it, like cleaning type thing…
but when it;s an office…
-__- is what it is like.
This sounds a lot like how I view my life when there’s actually one pretty stressful thing but it’s sort of too big for me to comprehend or try and control, so then all the other things in my life get extra stressful because they’re involving tasks I can complete.
An example. I had to wait on some news about a job. Having been out of work since July, this was stressful. There was nothing I could do about it. I could not have any influence on the outcome. So then things like laundry, cleaning out the car, chatting the people I live with here about life, it all just seemed HUGE and far more difficult.
Are you maybe worried about one thing and it’s making everything else seem suoer extra hard? Cleaning out an office actually sounds really exciting and fun to me, but I can definitely get why that woukd sound like a very boring and even stressful thing to tackle when you’re already worried about the day!
If your mom starts to ask about therapy, can you maybe just say you’re not quite ready to talk about it? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. <3
That actually makes a lot of sense! Cleaning is still kind of exhausting, but its not too bad.
My mom is making me wait longer than I’d like to come get me, which is annoying because I don’t want to work longer
This sounds like a very long and stressful day but I hope you can feel proud of yourself for accomplishing so much! While a lot of that does sound like a pain and I totally get it, I don’t like cleaning either but it’s really awesome that you have a job still despite there being a pandemic going on. Plus once you get it done, that’s just one more thing to check of your list of stuff that you no longer need to worry about.
For your brother, have you talked about your worries to your mom? Not very cool of him to not pick you up when that was what was agreed on. If you start having anxiety about it just remember there are things you can do to help calm your anxiety down and stop it from flaring up. There are also some apps that might be useful to you.
I am proud of you for going to therapy and I hope you feel that way too. Even though it might be tiring just know that it will get easier as time goes on. I’ve been to therapy plenty and there were a lot of sessions where I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt a bit lighter leaving than when I first walked in.
Overall it is a lot and I understand where you are coming from. Thank you for sharing this with us and I hope sharing helped to get some of it off your chest. Remember that you don’t need to share how your therapy went with your mom. You can also brush it off like “I want to talk to you later about how therapy went but for now I am too tired to talk about it.” Or something along those lines but I think you got it!
I do understand your point. It’s very hard and sounds very stressful too. As much as it is helpful, its best to also make breaks for yourself and if you need to relax please do so. Even it takes a while its important to make time for yourself too. If your brother doesn’t try to pick you up, then let your mom know that your brother wasn’t being responsible and that he needs to up his game. And yes, cleaning an office sounds EXAUSTING, but like what @leonafan000 said, music or trying to make it fun in general helps a lot.
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