Tonight journal

It felt like a long day at work, had to shovel and felt behind of my routine. It crazy I’m overthinking about work , to point where I’m having dreams about it. I really need a life.

Constantly feeling guilty of not drawing like I use too, cause I just don’t feel like drawing. Tonight I should draw, but I don’t feel like it. I hate that I’m not into it anymore.

Was a bunch anxiety attack at indoor skate park yesterday. Cause I saw a cute girl, I honestly getting super up tight. I had little contact with her, but I feel like if thier always a girl, she think I’m creep or something. I end up rounds ruining my session, cause I’m overthinking about it. I had use the stop skill twice and pour water over my head. But what suck is very intense thought, like violence thoughts or impulse. I was kinda separating my thoughts from myself but they still intense. Cause I’m afraid of rejection and my thoughts are trying protect me from it.

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Forget about what you “should” do when it comes to things like art. If you don’t feel motivated, the art that you perform will not reflect your talent. Feeling like you “should do” art, instead of doing it because you actually want to, will take the fun out of it.

I don’t think I have ever held a job that I didn’t dream about. When I worked at a chemical plant, I would dream that I forgot to do something, and because of that, some kind of disaster occurred. I worked in a factory for a while, operating what they called a “punch press.” It was a huge machine that punched patterns out of heavy gauge steel. When it operated, it sounded like heavy arms fire, and the floor shook with each press operation, and it produced the sound at a rate of about 90 times per minute. It was loud even when wearing ear protection. I could feel the concussion in my chest. At night, I would dream of operating the damn thing, and my body would twitch in response to the dreamed about noise. Anyway, dreaming about work is very common. It’s not all bad either. Sometimes I dreamed up answers to problems that had me stumped during my waking hours.

Overthinking is no fun. You seem to understand that you can overthink yourself into a state of anxiety. When it comes to making romantic advances, overthinking is practically a universal problem. Considering the intensity of your feelings, it can be an even bigger problem. It might help to realize that you don’t have to push a romantic agenda when you first meet a cute girl. Often, the best approach is to simply say hello, and then move on. If you keep encountering each other, it’s easier to feel more comfortable in talking with her a bit more. Don’t let yourself feel desperate, or that you have to rush. Others can sense that anxious energy, and it discourages interaction.

If you can’t help but overthink, provide some balance to the “what if’s” that you think about. For example, “what if she really wants me to talk to her?” “What if it turns out that we have a lot in common?” “What if things really could work out between us?”

Rejection happens. It’s certainly not fun. Rejection happens to almost everybody more often than not. When you think about it, what is it about rejection that there is to be afraid of? When it comes to human interaction, it’s part of the deal that needs to be accepted.

Rejection absolutely does not mean there’s anything wrong with you. It just means that the other person doesn’t perceive romantic compatibility. If you look around, you might notice that most of the young women you see, don’t trigger a perception of romantic potential. Usually, in a room full of people, there might be one who seems interesting in that way.

Rejections are usually based on appearance, social status, or something else superficial. That’s because they occur before really knowing or understanding the person who is being rejected. So, there’s not a lot of point in taking such rejections personally.

Hang in there my friend!

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@Metalskater1990 I am so happy to see you journaling! Writing down your thoughts is so helpful in just getting them out there, and it can help you realize stuff you didn’t in the heat of the moment or while you’re anxiously venting about it. It’s not easy–I’m bad at journaling, but every time I do it helps me. I don’t know how you feel about this entry, but to me it sounds like a really good, calm look at what happened and what you were feeling.

I started drawing last summer, got a bunch of art supplies, and haven’t drawn in 3 or 4 months. I feel low-key guilty about it too, like “well that was fun while it lasted.” Thing is, I know I can pick it back up at any time, and something that should be fun and relaxing shouldn’t upset me. I get where you’re coming from, but @Wings is right. Something you love shouldn’t be something you hate or dread.

This really hits home for me, and takes me back to one of my biggest missed opportunities. I was at a banquet for a halfway house once, and a really cute girl who was catering it kept looking my way, smiling, blushing, looking away. I started smiling back. This went on the whole time. I knew I should go say something, and I was so scared. When it was over and she started cleaning up, I came up with a cheesy ice breaker and started walking toward her, she saw me and smiled, and about 20 feet away I stopped and turned around. I couldn’t do it. I walked out of there and started kicking myself immediately. Even still today, I still can’t believe I didn’t just talk to her. I’m not trying to say “just go do it,” just saying I understand how anxious and frustrated you must feel. It’s really hard.

Wings is right again though–rejection hurts, but not nearly as bad as we think it will. This sounds weird, but the more you practice getting rejected, the easier it gets. When it gets easier, it’s easier to try in the first place. @taylorpalmby has a great story about getting rejected at Warped Tour, maybe she can weigh in on it.

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