I haven’t shown my face in public for several months. I always use a mask and sunglasses to cover it. Even though I got my COVID shot, I don’t intend on stopping, because I’m too ashamed to show my face in public. I don’t think my face is ugly; I just feel like I’m a disgrace to society and I’m literally unworthy of showing my face. I haven’t even shown my face while going on dates with my boyfriend. I’m just so ashamed of the mere fact that I exist… at least, if someone makes me cry, they won’t know because my face will be out of sight.
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Shame can be a hard thing to deal, that our mistakes still haunts us and we want to hide ourself from the world. But I do believe a lot human make very big mistakes that they feel ruin reputation or thier morals. However, Alan Watts said you shouldn’t be ashamed of your mistakes( kind power frazzling it) cuase in life everyone makes mistakes. Even Saints make a lot bad mistakes, cuase they are human. Holy people had see thier shadow to accept who they are. That what make us human, we would not know how to make right choices, without making mistakes. I hope you can show your face to world, cuase thier nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of.
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Wow… that’s deep…
I’ll have to think on that…
I’m just so ashamed of the mere fact that I exist…
Where does this shame come from? What makes you feel ashamed of existing? You don’t have to respond here if you don’t want to. Just encouraging you to also think about the reasons behind that feeling, so it would be a starting point for you to work on it. 
Shame is indeed a devastating emotion that can truly make us sabotage ourselves. When we live in shame, we tend to live in constant avoidance. It’s motivated by the fear that others would see us the same way we see ourselves: worthless, useless, insignificant, or even disgusting.
However, the way we see ourselves is not necessarily true. And people who genuinely love and care about us actually see us differently. It’s like wearing tinted glasses that cover our vision with a specific color, yet make us unable to embrace different ones. Where we see darkness and emptiness, others can see potential, beauty, love, talent and so many other things that we have yet to learn to see. In other words, we’re not always our best friends, yet when we surround ourselves with people who truly love us, when we lean on them to reflect that love to us, then we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. If those people love us, maybe it’s because they see something we don’t? Just like your boyfriend: I’m pretty sure he sees you in ways you don’t. It’s okay to acknowledge that, it’s okay to learn to trust others, but it’s also okay to challenge the emotions that prevent us from living a fulfilling life, such as shame.
There’s a scene from a movie that I particularly love, Dead Poet’s Society, that I’d like to share with you, just as a gentle reminder that putting yourself out there, at your own pace, is worth it:
You deserve to live without feeling ashamed of being. There is beauty in yourself that no one else holds in this world. Your voice deserves to be shared. You don’t belong on the side of the road, left alone. You deserve to embrace this life without hiding yourself.
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Thanks for the encouragement. I guess feeling so ashamed is a trauma response… idk what to do to fix it… it’s only gotten worse the longer I’ve been alive.
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Thank you for your response, friend.
I guess feeling so ashamed is a trauma response…
That would make a lot of sense, indeed. Shame can be deeply tied to traumatic experiences. As someone who had their share of traumas, I understand how that feels. Through the years and since I was really young, shame has become like a second skin to me. It feels scary to put myself out there and find worth within me. However, we are not doomed to feel that way either. The very fact that you acknowledge trauma as being a possible traumatic response is very, very strong.
idk what to do to fix it… it’s only gotten worse the longer I’ve been alive.
It’s okay to feel lost. Somehow, right now, it’s like you’re reflecting on how you feel. Knowing “how to” is the next step, but it can some time to figure this out, as we’re all unique and need different kind of support.
Do you have a support system in your life right now? Have you ever been helped in the past regarding your trauma?
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I do have a support system. My family is on my side and they’re trying to help me. At least I have that going for me.
I guess it’s just so easy for me to get brainwashed by emotional manipulation… honestly, I hadn’t even realized hiding my face was such a big deal until someone pointed out that the last picture I have on my phone with me in public AND showing my face was taken almost 6 months ago… I didn’t realize it had been that long.
I currently relate to the song “Found” from Steven Universe.
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I was thinking about when this started and realized that it was about the same time I did a face reveal on YouTube and it quickly became my most-disliked video. I took it down a few days after posting it, but I guess it’s still affecting me somehow…
Hi @Rowan,
The HeartSupport Houston team responded to your post here. We’re with you friend - Hold Fast and lean on our community.
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Oh wow… the team got involved?! I’m kind of embarrassed tbh, but I’ll watch it later.
Update: I watched the video. Thank you so much! It’s so… amazing… and moving… to see people coming together to help me! I feel like crying all over again, but not out of sadness this time.
Also, my mom saw the video, and she’s very thankful and moved, and happy that you exist and are willing to go the extra mile for other human beings. She wishes the team nothing but good things.
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Hey @Rowan - I hope you don’t feel too overwhelmed! But we do care, and mean every word. We’re happy to help and support you.
Thank the both of you for your words, and we’ll be here as you continue to navigate what you’re going through.
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Good news: I showed my face to my grandma today!
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